A couple of weeks ago, I ran across an Associated Press story about a free new phone service called Slydial, which allows you to connect directly to your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s voice mail, no matter which wireless carrier he or she has, and dump him or her. The unlucky recipients “then get a voice mail notification, and sometimes they will see a caller’s number show up as a missed call, too.”

An ode to the wonders of science and technology: How simple thou hast made it to findeth the easy way out!

But as handy as this little service appears to be, it really got me to thinking about breakup etiquette.
 
As much as I strive to avoid confrontation and prefer to just pray that the powers that be will make that person disappear, turn into a frog or, at least, relocate, I’ve always heeded the creed that it’s really not cool to break up with someone via voicemail — or, for that matter, via MySpace or Facebook, text message, homing pigeon or, God forbid, a Post-it note.

Luckily, I haven’t, as of yet, experienced any breakups of the cop-out persuasion. Well, there was this one guy who fell off the face of the Earth (with no excuse, such as a secret mission in Uzbekistan), but who called back six months later and couldn’t understand why I’d moved on. On the other hand, that may just be psych-ward material.

My oxymoronic best breakup ever was when an ex flew out to where I was just to discuss breaking up with me face to face. We had a heart-to heart about the trials and tribulations of a long-distance relationship and even did it one last time (OK, make that two last times) and had a picnic lunch.
We also never really got over each other. Sometimes, in the case of breakups, it could be the uglier, the better. Maybe the tears and the love-song torture help one move on more easily.

Even with that being said, it would still totally suck to get blindsided by the cruel heartbreak of a message alerting me that a jerk and I are over. (Btw, the “we need to talk” message, in voicemail or text form, is perfectly acceptable; though it can prolong the pain).

Nor could I imagine ruining someone else’s day like that. As if any split actually brightens someone’s day. Like the jilted lover will say, “I locked my keys in my car and my dog has hip dysplasia, but at least he/she didn’t break up with me over a voicemail.”

But before I saddle up on my dangerously high horse, Slydial may not be all bad. Sometimes you’ve demonstrated to the other person that the thrill is gone. But he or she just doesn’t get it.
Sometimes you’ve got to pull the grenade pin and get the heck out of Dodge. Or maybe you care too much to look the other person in the eye and say the very worst.

Either way, you can’t press the “ignore” button on your phone forever.