The Discovery Channel knows how to get you all wet. Do you like it when they nibble? How about a great big bite? How about a shark, eating your face?

How about a week of programming full of sharks and nothing but sharks? Heck yes! It’s summer, it’s freaking death hot outside, my car is going through its annual overheat breakdowns, and it’s July.
It must be time for “Shark Week.”

Discovery Channel, we love you. “Shark Week” begins July 27 and runs through Aug. 2.

Yeah, I know. I did a little bit of fear mongering with the whole bite-you-in-the-face routine. But I have always been a lot more Quint than Hooper.

“Shark Week” is the most fun you can have with cable without spending $11.95 a pop, and this year’s lineup is pretty stellar. Some of the Discovery Channel’s A-list series are taking on the world’s most misunderstood creatures. We’ll have the dynamic duo from MythBusters in a two-hour “MythBusters” shark special. “Survivorman” will be “Surviving Sharks.” And finally, a shark special presentation of “Dirty Jobs.” And I understand the guys from “Deadliest Catch” will be donning their trunks and snorkels and diving to the bottom of the Bering Sea to hunt for the elusive crab shark, plus a whole host of other shark programs.

But what I am finding almost as intriguing as this year’s shark-infested programming is the press release from Discovery Channel about “Shark Week.” Included in the bundle were these nifty little info sheets with all kinds of sharky information.

Like this, Myth 1. It reads, “sharks are dangerous man-eaters.” False! It goes on to report something about there being only one fatality out of 71 reported shark attacks in 2007. Great, but probably not so much for the guy who got eaten. So yes, a myth, (I guess), except for that one guy.
Myth 2: “Sharks don’t think.” True! I mean false. It seems the scientist guy who came up with this myth fact list asked a shark once and was set straight.

Myth 3: “Sharks will sink if they stop swimming.” True! Sort of. Some species can stop swimming, some can’t. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that their teeth probably hurt when shredding your leg.

Myth 4: “Sharks are indiscriminate eaters.” False! Wait, what? Hmph, go figure. Turns out, a shark’s teeth determine what they eat. Smooth, pointy teeth mean impaling and trapping fast fish; flat teeth mean crushing, like for crustaceans; and sharp, serrated teeth mean tearing and removing chunks of flesh, like, well, let’s see here. I guess like that dude from 2007.

Finally, Myth 5: “Shark populations are healthy and stable.” False! Because some scientist guy says so, and scientist guy is never wrong. Just ask that dude from 2007.

I love sharks, but if it is kill them or be eaten, I’ll probably side with Quint or just keep my fat butt out of the water.