Don’t waste precious summer hours zoning out to “Lost” and building a bigger butt-dent in your couch. Get out, get active and get in the know with our alt-guide to summer fun. The only rule to this game: think outside the box.

Go broke

Get a room already! Reserve the “Escape With Your Girlfriends” package with $25 in-room spa credit at The Westin La Cantera Resort.
(http://specialoffers.starwoodhotels.com/Westin_La_Cantera)

Skip eight spaces ahead at the speed of sound with an exotic car rental. (www.eliteexoticcars.com)

Celebrate the season in style. Reserve a VIP room and a few bottles of bubbly for you and your crew at Club Rive. (www.clubrive.com/vip)

Feel the Rush

Motocross the line. Crash your bike, go back two spaces. (www.texasskiranch.com/motox/index.html)

Get out of jail free. Become a COP with SAPD’s Cellular on Patrol Program and go on a ride-along. (www.sanantonio.gov/sapd/cop2.asp)

Parachute three spaces ahead. Take skydiving to the next level with an accelerated free-fall skydive. What’s the difference? Most first-time divers do a tandem skydive hooked to an instructor and released between 10,000 and 11,000 feet. But those with an extra helping of Texas’ independent spirit can look into Skydive San Marcos’s Accelerated Freefall Program. Students wanting to spread their wings and fly on their own can sign up for Level 1 Ground School and Skydive that launches from Fentress Airpark ($290). The skydiving student is released at 13,500 feet along with two instructors to help stabilize the newbie, according to Jennifer Doane of Skydive San Marcos. (www.skydivesanmarcos.com)

Museum Break

How much is a wooden nickel worth? What if it’s the World’s Biggest Wooden Nickel? See how it all adds up at Wooden Nickel Historical Museum. (www.wooden-nickel.net)

Check out the revamped McNay Art Museum for free every Thursday evening and all day on the first Sunday of each month. (www.mcnayart.org)

San Antonio goes down the toilet at Barney Smith’s Toilet Seat Art Museum. You’re flushed back five spaces. Why not bask in the glory of about 840 artsy toilet seats designed by retired master plumber Barney Smith? Smith, 87, loves to show off the 3-D art in his garage-turned-museum. “I just figured, since I retired, I’d stick with my trade,” Smith said. Each seat is a labor of love, taking between 20 and 100 hours to complete. One of his prized creations: a toilet seat with a piece of toilet tank brought back from Iraq’s Green Zone attached to it. Could it be a remnant of Saddam’s latrine? (By appointment: 210-824-7791, www.unusualmuseums.org/toilet)

Get Out!

Enjoy smooth cruising. Rent a bike from Blue Star Brewery Bike Shop and skip three spaces ahead as you pedal the San Antonio Missions Hike and Bike Trail. (www.bluestarbrewing.com/bikes/index.html#bikerentals; www.nps.gov/saan/planyourvisit/hikebike.htm)

In your head, you’re a discus-throwing Olympian. In reality, you’re a dork with a Frisbee. Live your dreams with a few holes of disc golf. (www.sanantoniodiscclub.com)

Get wet and wild at San Pedro Springs Park (www.sanantonio.gov/sapar/sanpedropool.asp)

Primp

Quit being a pain in the neck. Head one space forward when you book an appointment for trigger-point massage at the Academy for Massage. (www.academyformassage.com)

Eyeing Ashlee Simpson’s latest cut? Make it your own with an appointment at Aveda Institute San Antonio. (www.avedaisa.com)

Look like a beach babe minus the damaging rays. Bring sunless tanning home with SoleBella Mobile Airbrush Tanning(www.solebella.com).

Star Struck

Forget dinner and a movie; munch dinner during the movie at one of the area’s bistro theaters. (www.santikos.com)

Be a cheap date. Head four spaces ahead to the free Cinema Soledad Film Series at the Central Library (www.sanantonio.gov/Library/central/events/cinema_soledad.asp)

Time warp, Tim Curry in heels, and audience participation all around: see the spectacle for yourself. “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” plays at Alamo Drafthouse Westlakes on the last Thursday of every month. (www.drafthouse.com/westlakes/shows.php?id=125)

Social Order

Do good and get your puppy fixed at the same time. Volunteer some time at the Humane Society SPCA of Bexar County. (www.humanesocietyspca.org/volunteer.php)

Learn some exotic new skills, exotic lap-dancing skills to be precise. Dance your way three spaces ahead.
(July 16, www.secretsboutiquebycarie.com/Lapdance.html)

Meet some locals through self-organized clubs called Meetups. Keep your poker face on as a member of the Alamo City Poker Club Meetup or be serene with The San Antonio Meditation Meetup Group. (www.meetup.com)

Anger Management

Let out your authority issues by taking a few swings in the batting cages at the PowerSwing Training Academy. Go back five spaces for bad behavior. (pstx1.com)

Kick some ass and take some names just like Zohan after you enroll in a Krav Maga Israeli fighting classes. (www.911kravmaga.com)

Lock, stock and smoking barrels. Get fired up at the shooting range. Wanna pretend you’re a freedom fighter taking down Osama bin Laden? No problem. You can rent an UZI ($15 per 25-round magazine) and buy a life-size bin Laden target at Bullet Hole Range. “It’s an adrenaline rush,” said sales associate Herb Snook of firing off a machine gun. “It’s just the force of the power. When you’re pulling the trigger and you’re hearing the ‘pop, pop, pop,’ it’s exciting.” (www.bullethole.com)

Grub

Sick of making dinner every night? Make dinner for a week or more at Super Suppers and let someone else take care of cleanup. (www.supersuppers.com)

Role play your way through dinner at a theme restaurant like Magic Time Machine Restaurant, Hard Rock Cafe, Dick’s Last Resort or Rainforest Café. Earn two spaces for every restaurant you visit.

To make it a unique picnic, it’s all about location, location, location. Head to our alternative picnic locales: get artsy lunching on the grounds of the McNay Art Museum, feel frisky picnicking on a football field’s 50-yard line, mock tourists as you dine in front of the Alamo, be glad you’re not stuck in traffic while munching on the U.S. Highway 281 pedestrian overpass near East Hildebrand Avenue, or get in touch with the afterlife with a picnic/séance at one of the cemeteries along East Commerce Street.

After Dark

Know it all? We’ll see about that. Be a trivia diva at the Flying Saucer’s Tuesday night trivia fight. (www.beerknurd.com)

Madonna had it right when she asked, “Do you know what it feels like for a girl?” Find out for yourself at amateur drag night every Tuesday at The Saint. (/thesaint-satx.com)

“American Idol” ain’t got nothing on you. Start building your fan base now at an open-mic
night at The Cove. (The first Tuesday of the month is open mic with Joe Stahlman any type of music, last Tuesday of the month open mic and blues jam with Will Owen Gage (thecove.us)

Jennifer Lloyd | 210SA