You’re not going to need a bigger boat, just the stones to get into the boat provided. It’s time to get some crabs!

I’ve written about “Deadliest Catch” before, and because this is the best reality show on TV, I’m writin’ ’bout it again. But I’ve used the crab innuendo before, so I won’t do it anymore. ..... They like crabs, they want crabs, catching crabs makes them happy.

OK, it’s out of the system, so NOW, I won’t be using that lame joke anymore. ..... Crabs.

All right, then, Season Four is under way, and though it may seem to be just the same old story of the same old guys, on the same old boats, fishing for the same old crabs on the same old Bering Sea, it is not.

Because there is a new boat and crew this season, the North American.

See, totally new. Not buying it? OK, I concede, this series does basically repeat the same thing every season. But, when that one thing is crab fishing, come on, people! There is nothing more exciting on the tube.

And all of the show’s favorite personalities are back in the soup this season for the yearly hunt of Alaskan king crab. Crudgy old Phil Harris, Nordic man’s man Sig Hansen, Han Solo-esque John Hillstrand and their quirky crews will man you up.
I love these dudes. They confirm that there are some real men left in the world. Not just us tame, pacified keyboard-pushers who wear Old Spice and throw the occasional backyard grill fest to pretend that we are not the lame-ass metrosexual knock-offs and fad-chasers we have become.

These guys go to work smelling of lye soap and come home smelling of danger. (It’s lines like that, that keep me writing.) Only they come home months later from when they left; that is, if they come home at all. Unlike most of our jobs, at any moment, these guys could go into the drink and never return. Last season, a ship went down and five of the six crewmen never came home.

That kind of drama grabs your face and refuses to let you go. Once you are hooked on “Deadliest Catch,” you won’t ever leave. Just watching will put hair on your chest.

And check this out: The show is so popular, there is a video game in the making. “Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm” is due out later this year. It is a strategy, fishing sim where you take control of one of five boats, including the Northwestern, Cornelia Marie and Sea Star, to catch the most crabs. Might as well make a game called Friday Night on North St. Mary’s Street. Yeah, I know. But I could not resist.

You can check out details about the game on IGN.com. But it looks like a rental to me. Besides, nothing beats the TV show itself, except perhaps actually being out there on the Bering. But to do that would mean real work, instead of sitting around pretending to be fulfilled by watching the work of others.

And if I’m going to stop pretending to work, it won’t be for crabs. Maybe lobster. Even flounder, but not crabs.