Wednesday | April 23

GARAGE PARTY
LOWDOWN: This women-only event offers basic information about motorcycles and riding to beginners.
WHEN: 5:30-8 p.m.
WHERE: Caliente Harley-Davidson, 7230 N.W. Loop 410
HOW MUCH: Free
INFO: (210) 681-CALI; calienteharley.com

Crash Romeo, Tub Ring, Driver Side Impact, Driver F, Parous
Pop and Punk music event Featuring Crash Romeo, a New Jersey-based quartet. More local bands will be featured throughout the week and into the weekend, leading up to Junkfest 2008 on Saturday, April 26. Doors open at 7 p.m., Rock Bottom Tattoo Bar, 1033 Avenue B. $10. (210) 224-4005; myspace.com/ rockbottomtattoobar.

Thursday | April 24

SIESTA FEST
LOWDOWN: This unofficial Fiesta event is back for its second year in a row, giving San Antonio what it really wants: old hard-rock bands. UFO headlines Thursday, with Joker opening; Great White headlines Friday, with Mothers Anthem opening.
WHEN: 5 p.m.-midnight Thursday, April 24, and Friday, April 25
WHERE: HemisFair Park
HOW MUCH: Free; VIP tickets, which include close seating and access to VIP beverage booths and bathrooms, cost $25
INFO: etix.com; kzep.com

‘Noise'
People are shaken up and distraught after two crime sprees. Danger and fear traumatize the town. Film is part of the McNay's Get Reel series.  7 p.m., Bijou Movie Theatre in the Crossroads Mall, 4522 Fredericksburg Road. santikos.com/bijou.html; (210) 805-1722 or  (210) 737-0291

S.A. Blue Cats
Rhythm, blues and soul. 8-11 p.m., Sam's Burger Joint,  330 E. Grayson St.  (210) 223-2830, samsburgerjoint.com.

‘Crowns'
Story about the female hero after a man is killed by a gang, adapted from “Crowns: Portraits of Black Women in Church Hats.” Ends today, 8 p.m. San Pedro Playhouse,  800 W. Ashby St. $23 for adults; $3 discount for seniors 60 plus and active military; $13 students to age 22 with valid ID. A $2 service fee applies to each ticket. (210) 733-7258; sanpedroplayhouse.com

Sister Devastation, Dirty Penny, Broken Teeth, Eden Burning
Austin and Houston bands meet for big performance in San Antonio. 7 p.m. Jiggers, 1639 Babcock Road.  (210) 348-2955; myspace.com/ emokidsneedlove

Friday | April 25

THE KILLERS OF COMEDY
LOWDOWN: If you're offended by obscene, politically incorrect and downright stupid humor, avoid this show at all costs. The Rev. Bob Levy, Sal “The Stockbroker” Governale, Yucko the Clown, Shuli, Beetlejuice and the Iron Sheik, all comedians who have made their names on “The Howard Stern Show,” take the stage when they hit San Antonio as part of their national tour.
WHEN: 9 and 11 p.m.
WHERE: The Venue, 800 Lexington Ave.
HOW MUCH: $25; must be 21 or older
INFO: cleanboxentertainment.com

2008 Fiesta World Class Jazz Concert Rufus Reid Trio
St. Mary's University's Fiesta Jazz Festival presents the Rufus Reid Trio. Reid is a New York City bassist. 8 p.m. St. Mary's University, One Camino Santa Maria. Free. (210) 436-3421 or stmarytx.edu

A Night in Old San Antonio
Celebrating San Antonio's diversity with 15 ethnic representations. More than 250 food booths. 5:30-10:30 p.m., through Friday, April 25. $12. La Villita, 418 Villita. Niosa.org.

Battle of Flowers Parade
Floats, gowns and marching bands. 11:45 a.m. Starts along Broadway. Free. Reserved bleacher seats available for purchase. battleofflowers.org

Cedric the Entertainer
Known as “One of the Original Kings of Comedy.” Cedric makes a stop in San Antonio. 8 p.m. Majestic Theatre, 224 E. Houston St. $39.50-$69.50. ticketmaster.com; (210) 224-9600 

Dance Kaleidoscope
Features guest artists Erica de la O and Kristopher Wojtera of the Louisville Ballet. 7:30 p.m. today;  1:30 p.m. Saturday, April 26. $12-$32. Jo Long Theatre, Carver Community Cultural Center, 226 N. Hackberry St. ticketmaster.com; (210) 224-9600; thecarver.org

Fiesta Fantasias at Market Square
Conjunto, Latin jazz, shrimp and lots of fun for the kids, the grown-ups and the grown-ups who behave like kids. 10 a.m.- midnight, today through Sunday, April 27. Market Square,  514 W. Commerce St. Free. fiesta-sa.org.

Fiesta Gartenfest
The spirit of Germany during Fiesta. 5 p.m.-midnight today; noon- 7 p.m. Saturday, April 26. Beethoven Halle und Garten, 422 Pereida St. at S. Alamo. $5.  (210) 222-1521

Fiesta Square & Round Dance
Not into Tejano or German polkas? Try some country and western. 7-10 p.m. Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center, Mission Room, 200 E. Market St. Free. (210) 256-9179.

Ford Mariachi Festival
Middle school and high school mariachi bands perform. 7-10 p.m. along the River Walk. (210) 227-4262.

Seether
Post-grunge rock meets metal. Seether has performed at Ozzfest, and a few of the band's tracks were included in the soundtrack for the “Punisher.” Chevelle also performs. 5 p.m. Lone Star Pavilion at Sunset Station, 1174 E. Commerce St. $32.ticketmaster.com; (210) 224-9600

Spurs playoffs
Watch Game 3 on the big screen at smoke-free Alamo Drafthouse Cinema. Tipoff is at  9:30 p.m. 1255 S.W. Loop 410. Free. drafthouse.com/ westlakes;  (210) 677-8500.
Tejano Explosion Put on your sombreros and croc skin boots. Get ready to dance cumbias and tejano. Featuring David Lee Garza, Michael Salgado and Jay Perez. 5 p.m.-2 a.m., today through Sunday, April 27. Cattleman's Square, corner of  W. Houston and N. Frio Streets. $8. tejanoexplosion 2008.com

Saturday | April 26

TAMAL-EATING CONTEST
LOWDOWN: Eat the most tamales in three minutes and win $250. Disgusting yet lucrative! Register by April 23 at any Delicious Tamales location for a chance to compete. The third annual event also includes live entertainment, kids' activities and food booths. New this year: Compete to make the best tamales in the Tamalada Throw-Down! This might get ugly.
WHEN: 11 a.m.-4 p.m.
WHERE: Plaza Guadalupe, 1327 Guadalupe
St.
HOW MUCH: Free
INFO: (210) 735-0275; delicious tamales.com

2008 Fiesta Jazz Band Festival
Educational jazz fest attracting middle school, high school musicians, rising artists and aspiring musicians. 8 a.m.-5 p.m. St. Mary's University Center, One Camino Santa Maria. Free. stmarytx.edu

Autism Awareness fundraiser
Soho staffers are throwing a party to raise money for the Autism Society of Greater San Antonio. There will be food, a silent auction and live music by Minus Zero, Dog Men Poets, Papa Wood and more. 3 p.m. Soho Lounge, 12289 Nacogdoches. $7. myspace.com/soho loungesa; (210) 655-7646

Blowing Trees CD release
San Antonio quartet debuts self-titled CD on Glassnote Records label. Highlight tracks include “California Sky” and “The Day the World Left Me.” Morris Orchids, Big Soy and Marcus Rubio also perform. The Revolution Room, 8123 Broadway. (210) 320-1683; myspace.com/revroom; blowingtreesmusic.com

Fiestapalooza
Lineup features Joey Belladonna, former Anthrax member. Monkeysoop, No Ballads and other metal and rock bands perform. Roller derby exhibit. $10 advance, $30 at gate. Tickets at Piggstagg Records & Video, 8035 Culebra, and Cracker Box Palace, 622 Hildebrand. Doors open at noon, festivities at 1 p.m. Rosedale Park, 303 Dartmouth Ave. (210) 259-9784, monkeysoop.com.

Lucha Libre Artslam
The Prhymemates and Drunken Monkey Promotions are “throwing down” one heck of an evening filled with entertainment. $5, 21 and up. 8 p.m. The Limelight, 2718 N. St. Mary's St. (210) 735-7775; myspace.com/artslam.

Maggie Patterson
Folk and acoustic musician incorporates harmonica and guitar for musical flare. 8 p.m. Café Latino, 2911 N. St. Mary's St., (210) 733-9988 myspace.com/ maggiepattersonmusic

Schlitterbahn
Waterpark Resort opens for 2008 season. Sixty-five acres of tube rides, water slides and a paradise of fun under the sun. $37.99. Season passes available. 305 W. Austin, New Braunfels. 10 a.m.- 7 p.m. today. (830) 625-2351 or schlitterbahn.com

Steve Earle, Alison Moorer
Earle offers an acoustic presentation ala Johnny Cash. Earle has performed with Emmylou Harris and other country stars.  9 p.m. John T. Floore County Store, 14492 Old Bandera Road in Helotes. $27.56.  (210) 695-8827; liveatfloores.com

Young Guns Rising ShrimpFest
Check out seven up-and-coming Texas music bands including The Scott Wiggins Band, Trainwreck, Nathan Lange and The Kings of Hard Luck. Don't forget the Shiner and hundreds of pounds of grilled, boiled and fried shrimp. 3 p.m.-midnight. Rolling Oaks Bar & Grill, 5550 Mountain Vista, (210) 655-4745; RollingOaksSA.com

Sunday | April 27

FINAL NIGHT: GAY COMEDY FLAMBE
LOWDOWN: Texas comics Tom Hester, Slim Bloodworth, Jade Esteban Estrada (pictured) and others present the annual gay and lesbian comedy extravaganza that isn't an official Fiesta event, but it damned well should be. On Friday, April 25, a new royal figure will be crowned: Queen Antoinette. Yes, that kind of queen.
WHEN: 8:30 p.m. Wednesday, April 23-Thursday, April 24, and Sunday, April 27; 8:30 and 10:45 p.m. Friday, April 25-Saturday, April 26
WHERE: Rivercenter Comedy Club, Rivercenter mall, 849 E. Commerce St.
HOW MUCH: $10 Wednesday-Thursday, $13 Friday-Sunday
INFO: (210) 229-1420; rivercentercomedyclub.com

Avril Lavigne
Canadian rocker performs with Boston band Boys Like Girls. 7 p.m. Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, 16765 Lookout Road in Selma. $36-$51. ticketmaster.com;  (210) 224-9600.

¡Azúcar!
The Life and Music of Celia Cruz The “queen of salsa” and her spirit lives on. Featuring original outfits worn by the artist, Grammy's, videos, photographs and other memorabilia. Exhibit ends today. Noon-6 p.m. Museo Alameda, 101 S. Santa Rosa St. Free.  (210) 299-4300; thealameda.org.

‘Crosshairs'
The premiere of the independent feature film that features an all-San Antonio cast and crew. Mob hit man Wes Mercer's cold-blooded lifestyle begins to catch up with him as he becomes a target himself. 7:30 p.m. Alamo Drafthouse, 1255 SW Loop 410. Free admission.  (210) 677-8500; myspace.com/ crosshairs08

Fiesta Blues Heritage Series
B'Nois King and other local jazz artists. Full lineup of blues and smooth jazz. Noon-  7 p.m. Sunset Station, 1174 E. Commerce St. $12 at the door.  (210) 222-9481

Monday | April 28

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE
LOWDOWN: The depressed emo band is skipping San Antonio on this year's tour, but you can catch them in Austin if you're into mascara-wearing guys singing about death. Billy Talent and Drive By open.
WHEN: Doors at 6 p.m.
WHERE: Stubbs BBQ, 801 Red River, Austin
HOW MUCH: $35 in advance, $37 day of show
INFO: stubbsaustin.com

Open Jazz Jam Session
Jazz band Small World and saxophonist Richard Oppenheim team up for a music-filled evening.  7 p.m. Broadway Bistro, 4011 Broadway,  (210) 824-0100.

Tuesday, April 29

Alamo WorkSource Recruiting General recruiting, companies to be announced. 8 a.m.- 5 p.m. Alamo WorkSource Career Center, 2538 Castroville Road, (210) 436-0670. Same day, different location recruiters presented through Alamo WorkSource: Compass Bank and AARP Foundation. Compass Bank: 9 a.m.- 1 p.m., 1499 Hillcrest Drive. (210) 438-0581, AARP: 10 a.m.-1 p.m., 6723 S. Flores St., Suite 100. (210) 928-3985.

Tuesday | April 29

‘GRAND THEFT AUTO IV'
LOWDOWN: Welcome to the jungle, baby — aka Liberty City, where everyone's a gangsta. Rockstar Games releases the much-delayed fourth installment in the “Grand Theft Auto” series for Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3.
WHERE: Wherever video games are sold
HOW MUCH: Starting at $59.99-$89.99
INFO: rockstargames.com/IV
 
Alamo WorkSource Recruiting
General recruiting, companies to be announced. 8 a.m.-5 p.m. Alamo WorkSource Career Center, 2538 Castroville Road, (210) 436-0670. Same day, different location recruiters presented through Alamo WorkSource: Compass Bank and AARP Foundation. Compass Bank: 9 a.m.- 1 p.m., 1499 Hillcrest Drive. (210) 438-0581, AARP: 10 a.m.-1 p.m., 6723 S. Flores St., Suite 100. (210) 928-3985.

Coming up

Wednesday, April 30 Our Lady of the Lake hosts Rock the Ballot '08, which includes free music, food and an opportunity to register to vote. OLLU mall area, 411 SW 24th Street