Fiesta offers 100 events over 10 days — overwhelming for even the most experienced partier. You have to be picky (the Mission 10K? Wouldn't that cut into our eating of fried onion blossoms and funnel cakes?). So here's a quick-and-dirty guide to the best Fiesta has to offer:
 

CARNIVAL
WHERE: Alamodome, 100 Montana, parking lot C
WHEN: Wednesday, April 16-April 27 (hours vary)
HOW MUCH: Free admission, costs vary by ride; wristbands available
INFO: (210) 212-8955
Just remember two things — it's at the Alamodome this year, and eat the hot dogs and candy apples AFTER you go on the spinning teacup ride. Trust us, we speak from experience.

TEJANO EXPLOSION
WHERE: Cattleman's Square, West Houston and North Frio streets
WHEN: 4 p.m.-1:30 a.m. Thursday, April 17-April 26
HOW MUCH: Admission prices vary
INFO: (210) 227-1177
Despite the violent name, this is a family oriented event featuring Tejano bands, carnival games and food.

FIESTAS FANTASIAS
WHERE: Market Square, 514 W. Commerce St.
WHEN: 10 a.m.-midnight Friday, April 18-April 27
HOW MUCH: Free
INFO: (210) 212-8423, saparksfoundation.org
Classic Fiesta — a lot of live music and a lot of food, plus the added bonus of some cool shopping. It's put on by the San Antonio Parks Foundation, and remember: There ain't no party like a former Mayor Lila Cockrell party.

A TASTE OF NEW ORLEANS
WHERE: Sunken Garden Theater, Brackenridge Park
WHEN: 4-11 p.m. Friday, April 18; 11 a.m.-11 p.m. Saturday, April 19; 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Sunday, April 20
HOW MUCH: $10 in advance; $12 at the gate; free for kids 10 and younger
INFO: (210) 313-8547; saza.org
The San Antonio Zulu Association (yes, there is one — who knew?) puts on this festival featuring Cajun and Creole food and jazz, zydeco, big band and salsa music, plus a play area for kids.

FIESTA OYSTER BAKE
WHERE: St. Mary's University Campus, One Camino Santa Maria
WHEN: 5-11 p.m. Friday, April 18; 11 a.m.-11 p.m. Saturday, April 19
HOW MUCH: $16 in advance; $20 at the gate; free for kids 12 and younger
INFO: oysterbake.com; (210) 436-3324
THE 210 TAKE: A couple dozen bands + more than 100,000 raw, baked or fried oysters + a ton of alcohol = one of the most popular Fiesta events and one of the biggest hangovers the next morning. This year, Alterbridge, Everclear and Eddie Money take the stage.

WEBB PARTY
WHERE: San Antonio Museum of Art, 200 West Jones Ave.
WHEN: 7-11 p.m. Friday, April 18
HOW MUCH: $60 in advance; $75 at the door
INFO: (210) 225-4715; txsaaf.org
It's the San Antonio AIDS Foundation's biggest fundraiser, and this year, Kathryn Joosten (Mrs. Cluskey on “Desperate Housewives” and Mrs. Landingham on “The West Wing”) will make an appearance.

CUTTING EDGE FASHION SHOW
WHERE: Marriott Rivercenter Hotel, 101 Bowie St.
WHEN: 11:30 a.m. Monday, April 21; there's a silent auction at 10 a.m. and lunch at noon
HOW MUCH: $75; table seating available
INFO: uiw.edu/cuttingedge08, (210) 829-6013
Think of it as the University of the Incarnate Word's take on “Project Runway,” where student designers show off their fashions (but you can't jeer at them like you can at the TV. That would be rude).

TEXAS CAVALIERS RIVER PARADE
WHERE: River Walk
WHEN: 7-9:30 p.m. Monday, April 21
HOW MUCH: Seats cost $12-$24
INFO: texascavaliers.org; (210) 22-RIVER
One of the many highlights of this parade: The Alamo City Heat Band, made up entirely of jammin' San Antonio Police Department officers. Think they'll Tase you if you don't clap? Nah, they shoot first in San Antonio.

CORNYATION
WHERE: Charlene McCombs Empire Theatre, 226 N. St. Mary's St.
WHEN: 8 and 10:30 p.m. Tuesday, April 22-April 24
HOW MUCH: $15-$50
INFO: cornyation.org
Like a low-budget version of “Saturday Night Live” mocking local and national events and people; too bad they won't let you throw tortillas anymore.

NIGHT IN OLD SAN ANTONIO
WHERE: La Villita
WHEN: 5:30-10:30 p.m. Tuesday, April 22-April 25
HOW MUCH: $10 in advance, $12 at the gate; $1.50 in advance for children 6 to 12, $2 at the gate; younger than 6, free
INFO: niosa.org; (210) 226-5188
Where else can you eat fried cheesecake while listening to a band called the Country Fried Pickles? Nowhere, that's where.

GARTENFEST
WHERE: Beethoven Halle und Garten, 422 Pereida St.
WHEN: 5 p.m.-midnight Wednesday, April 23-April 25
HOW MUCH: $3 in advance; $5 at the door; free for kids younger than 12
INFO: (210) 222-1521
German food, beer and oom-pah-pah make for a rollicking good time, so get ready to dance your lederhosen off. Danke! Guten tag! Ich nicht sprechen sie Deutsch!

BATTLE OF FLOWERS PARADE
WHERE: Parade route from Broadway and Josephine Street south to Martin and Santa Rosa streets
WHEN: 12:45 p.m. April 25
HOW MUCH: Free, but seats sponsored by nonprofits are available for a fee
INFO: (210) 227-5191; battleofflowers.org
OK, it can be a bit cheesy, but this huge parade was the inaugural Fiesta event and is still fun for the family or with a group of friends.

POOCH PARADE
WHERE: Alamo Heights Swimming Pool, 250 Viesca St.
WHEN: 9:30 a.m.-noon April 26; registration at 8 a.m.; costume contest at 8:30 a.m.
HOW MUCH: Free for spectators. $20 per dog or $25 per family; registration fees go up $5 day of event
INFO: deltasa.org; (210) 614-6734
Out of all the Fiesta parades, we have to admit, this is our favorite. Dogs in costumes for our viewing pleasure? We daresay it's worth waking up at 7 a.m. on a Saturday.

KING WILLIAM FAIR AND PARADE
WHERE: King William Historic District
WHEN: 10 a.m.-6 p.m. April 26
HOW MUCH: $5; free for kids younger than 17
INFO: (210) 271-3247; kwfair.org
Drag queens on parade, kick-ass live music, Victorian homes and affordable arts and crafts — what more could you want?

FLAMBEAU PARADE
WHERE: Nighttime parade route from Broadway and East Grayson Street south to Martin and Santa Rosa streets
WHEN: 7:45 p.m. April 26
HOW MUCH: Free, but seats sponsored by nonprofits are available for a fee
INFO: (210) 227-5191; fiestaflambeau.org
Oooh, lights! Pretty!

BLUES HERITAGE SHOW
WHERE: Sunset Station, 1174 E. Commerce St.
WHEN: Noon-8 p.m. April 27
HOW MUCH: $12
INFO: (210) 641-8192; sanantonioblues.com
Pull on your Robert Johnson tee and finish off your 10 days of partying with one of Fiesta's best-kept secrets. This year's headliner: Smokin' Joe Kubek featuring Bnois King.