Well, with the wife still in charge of the remote control, my options for watching television have become limited.

Just last week, I found myself running from our house to the local super-discount, super-center box chain store because I had grown terrified at the prospect of having to watch whatever new monstrosity she found to torment me.

I guess I deserve it. I once made her sit through an episode-by-episode comparison of the first season of both “Battlestar Galacticas.”

So I'm in the TV section hoping the Don Henley concert will switch to the Spurs.

I noticed the guy working the electronics counter trying to open his veins with a dull letter opener. The section manager's policy is for all stereos and TVs to play the Eagles, Don Henley or Eric Clapton, always.

While I was talking him down from the ledge, we realized we had gone to the same high school. He was part of the audio-visual team but never made the transition to successful tech mogul like most members.

I was the smart-ass class-clown guy who got fat, and, oddly enough, did not go into the insurance business.

Then up wobbled the chick voted most likely to try to be an actor, model or TV newscaster! It looked as if she went straight from snooty high school prep club to a fast-food line. What were the chances we'd cross paths here at the local super-discount, super-center box chain store?

I am pretty sure the audio-visual guy was hitting on her, despite that she'd told us she was married. And, OMG, she was flirting back! As we caught up, we strolled by the automotive department, and out popped the starting point guard from our JV basketball team. And, OMG, buying bacon, shoes and a strapless gown was the old class slut!

DUDE! She and the grease monkey ex-jock are practically boinking in the arts and crafts department! Just like in high school.

It's time to leave the local super discount, super-center box chain store. Things are getting sticky.

And think: The whole reason I ran from home this evening was so I would not have to watch the horridness that is “High School Reunion” on TV Land. Who knew?