“Dancing With the Stars.” When this show first aired a couple of years ago I immediately thought, “What? They didn't corner the market on complete idiots with ‘American Idol?'.”

I seriously thought that this show was destined to go down as the biggest pile in TV history. Then again, I thought the same thing about “American Idol,” and pretty much most of the other reality celebrity sycophant shows.

Of course, I would have bet the house that “Rome” and “Greg the Bunny” were going to be hit TV shows.

So my track record is not the best.

I have been wrong for oh so many years about oh so many things. But we live and we learn, and if at first you don't predict correctly, shoot your fool mouth off one more time for all to read.

So here goes:

“Dancing with the Stars” is the biggest steaming pile we have ever seen and will go down as one of the worst TV shows ever .....
 
Anything? Yeah, didn't think so.

But, I've seen the error of my ways. People love dancing and watching celebrities dance and voting on those dances and whatever else. Hey, I can get down with that.

Best show ever. America loves it, therefore I too love it. I'll watch it and praise and talk about it the day after it airs and blah, blah, blah whatever else.

It's a fun show and this change of heart has nothing to do with the fact that I lost control of my TV remote control to my wife for a whole month over a stupid bet about the viability of eating six-dozen oysters and not puking afterward.

So after I was done with my hospital stay, I got into the routine of watching TV the way the better half of this nation does. Apparently, our better halves like ballroom dancing. If I were smart, I would have keyed into this years ago.

But I am not known for my smarts.

After watching for a while it got my mind going — if we can dance with the stars why can't we do other things with the stars?

“Karaoke With the Stars”? Come on people, Chachi sings for real this time! “Rehab with the Stars.” Oh wait, they have this one already. OK, let's go the other direction. How about, “Shooting up With the Stars”? Nifty.

“Gun Cleaning with the Stars”? Or, to spice it up a bit, “Gun Cleaning and Flamenco With the Stars”!

Then there is “Going to the Corner Store for Toilet Paper, Chocolate Milk some Diaper Cream and Beef Jerky with the Stars.” Kind of narrows down the field, but hey, they're still celebrities right?

“Making Macaroni and Cheese with the Stars.”

Endless. Endless I tell you.

Anyway. Penn, if you let Guttenberg beat you, well I don't know what. Just don't let it happen.