DC: This will be the final Ball & Chain (with Clint), so let's take a minute to talk about what we've learned over the past eight or nine months. What I have learned is that my wife is someone who does not read or listen to Ball & Chain; otherwise, she'd kick me in the ass.

CH: My wife was excited that there would be a family column because I think she thought it would be us talking about how great life is with kids. But when she realized it was going to be two guys talking about past exploits, she bailed. But one thing I've learned is that my wife is very tolerant.

DC: A fine quality.

CH: Especially when you're dealing with me.

DC: I dug up some old quotes from past issues, and I thought we'd read some of them and have Clint comment on whether they still ring true or maybe if his opinions changed a little bit. On the subject of bringing up ex-lovers: “When I bring up exes, it's just to show my wife that my physical and emotional inadequacies are not for lack of trying. I'd been in a relationship before. I just hadn't figured it out yet.”

CH: That column didn't go over well. It was one of her least favorite Ball & Chains, and the one that sent her over the edge. It's still true because I'm still trying to prove to my wife that I've been there, even if I haven't.

DC: On having sex when visiting family: “I like to bang on the walls to let them know what's going on. We have a kid. They know the deal.”

CH: That was partially exaggerated. I don't like to bang on the walls, but sometimes when you get cranking, the walls get banged.

DC: On why you take care of yourself: “I get up every morning, walk in front of the mirror with no shirt on, look at myself and say, ‘Would you ever want to lose this?' The answer is no.”

CH: It's true, though I'm starting to notice that fatherhood is taking a mini-toll on my physique. I'm still looking in the morning, and I still have it, but I worry that in five years, I won't have it anymore. It'll be sad.

DC: On getting caught looking at other women: “Hey (Clint says to his wife), you want to give me some? S**t no (she says), I'm rolling over, and you end up cuddling with the dog.” The famous rollover.

CH: Never have truer words been spoken during a Ball & Chain. Nothing makes my wife madder than catching me looking at another woman.

DC: On lesbians: “Take a beautiful woman, multiply times two, and that's pretty much it. When guys picture two women, they're picturing Victoria's Secret models. Under those pretenses, what's better than one Gisele? Two Giseles.”

CH: You can't argue with the facts.