WEDNESDAY | MARCH 26

CHRIS ROCK
LOWDOWN: One of America's best stand-up comics comes to the Alamo City as part of his “No Apologies” tour. Expect thoughts on the upcoming presidential election and other topical issues ..... and no apologies whatsoever for anyone that might be offended by the risqué content.
WHEN: 7:30 p.m.
WHERE: Municipal Auditorium, 100 Auditorium Circle
HOW MUCH: $45.50-$75.50
INFO: (210) 224-9600; ticketmaster.com

THURSDAY | MARCH 27

SWITCHFOOT
LOWDOWN: The San Diego-based rock quintet is making its way to San Antonio as part of the 2008 Up In Arms Tour. “We've always used music as a vehicle to explore our own questions and frustrations,” Switchfoot singer Jon Foreman said in a news release. Well, that sort of explains song titles like “Politicians” and “Happy is a Yuppie Word.”
WHEN: 7 p.m.
WHERE: Trinity University's Laurie Auditorium, 1 Trinity Place
HOW MUCH: $25-$35
INFO: (210) 858-5904; trinity.edu, ticketmaster.com

FRIDAY | MARCH 28

SOUTH TEXAS INTERNATIONAL MOTORCYCLE SHOW
LOWDOWN: This three-day dedication to all things motorcycle-related kicks off today, and will feature bike dealers and builders, as well as live music and (just guessing here) lots of big leather-clad guys with some really gaudy tattoos. Also, you can test drive the Can-Am Spyder roadster — a three-wheeled road vehicle.
WHEN: Noon-8 p.m.
WHERE: Freeman Coliseum, 3201 E. Houston St.
HOW MUCH: $10-$15
INFO: (800) 532-3976 ext. 202; txbikeshow.com

SATURDAY | MARCH 29

SAN ANTONIO MUSIC AWARDS
LOWDOWN: The winners of the first San Antonio Music Awards were announced in early January, and now, some of the victors will be featured at this showcase. Headlining the bill is Ashlee Rose, winner of three San Antonio Music Awards, including Grand Prize Winner and Best Female Artist.
WHEN: 7 p.m.
WHERE: Limelight, 2718 N. St. Mary's St.
HOW MUCH: $5-$8
INFO: (210) 735-7775; myspace.com/samusicawards

SUNDAY | MARCH 30

WWE WRESTLEMANIA 24
LOWDOWN: For men, it provides an opportunity to relive their youth by watching a bunch of grown men fake fight one another on professional wrestling's biggest stage. For women, it simply provides the opportunity to watch those grown men — with their ripped, tan physiques — do so with not much on besides a Speedo.
WHEN: 6 p.m.
WHERE: Pay-per-view
HOW MUCH: $54.95
INFO: wwe.com

MONDAY | MARCH 31

‘NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE' SEASON FINALE
LOWDOWN: The “Seinfeld” curse is dead, as Julia Louis-Dreyfus' latest television endeavor closes out its third season tonight. Somewhere, Michael Richards is wondering why his career didn't turn out better post-“Seinfeld,” though we have a pretty good idea why.
WHEN: 8:30 p.m.
WHERE: CBS
INFO: cbs.com

TUESDAY | APRIL 1

‘SHOWDOWN AT LUKE CASEY'S BOOTSHOPPE'
LOWDOWN: This kid-friendly production begins a month-long run today and serves as a parody of sorts of the famed Brothers Grimm tale. Didn't that 2005 film version with Matt Damon and Heath Ledger pretty much take care of the whole parody thing?
WHEN: 9:45 and 11:30 a.m.
WHERE: Magik Theatre, 420 S. Alamo St.
HOW MUCH: $2-$10
INFO: (210) 227-2751; magiktheatre.org
 

MORE EVENTS

Wednesday, March 26

‘Alma Indigena' art exhibit Look into the inner souls of Chicana and Boricua roots in this collection of vivid works by four female artists: Ruth Buentello, Betsy Casanas, Jane Madrigal and Ana Lilia Salinas. 9 a.m-5 p.m. by appointment. Free. Through April 18. Galeria Tonantzin, 723 S. Brazos. Free. guadalupeculturalarts.org; (210) 271-3151

American Idol Watch one of the final 10 kiss goodbye his or her idol hopes. 8 p.m. Fox, americanidol.com

‘Mujeres Sin Cuenta' art exhibit A collection of the work of 50 Mexican women leading the contemporary art movement. 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Monday-Friday, 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. Exhibit runs through June 1. Instituto Cultural de Mexico, 600 HemisFair Park. saculturamexico.org; (210) 227-0123

Stoney La Rue performs for the Cavender Music Series, which continues every Wednesday through Oct. 15. 8-10 p.m. The County Line, 10101 1-10 West. Free. countyline.com; (210) 641-1998
‘Women Leaders of Today and Tomorrow' A fundraising reception for the collection of photographs taken by various young women in the Studio4FM Girls Empowerment Program. They captured this collection of candid photographs of the professional women they shadowed. 6-8 p.m. Carver Community Cultural Center, 226 N. Hackberry. Free. thecarver.org or mswomenscenter.org; (210) 207-7211

Works-In-Progress Jump-Start Performance Company and the San Antonio Dance Umbrella present a night of performances in a wide range of dance styles from modern dance to belly dancers. 7 p.m. Jump-Start Theater, 108 Blue Star, Blue Star Arts Complex, S. Alamo at Probandt. $5 general admission, $3 for students and seniors. jump-start.org; (210) 227-5867

Thursday, March 27

Dragonfly, DJ Gibb, JJ Lopez, DJ M spin at the Revolution Room, 8123 Broadway St. 9:30 p.m. Free. myspace.com/revroom; (210) 320-4567

GET REEL Film Movie night presented by the McNay Contemporary Collectors Forum. 7 p.m. Bijou Theater, 4522 Fredericksburg Road. Free to McNay member, $5 non-members. mcnayart.org; (210) 805-1722

Josh Abbott Band plays at Rolling Oaks Sports Bar & Grill, 5550 Mountain Vista Drive. 8 p.m. Free with a food donation or $3 for adults; $5 for minors. rollingoakssa.com; (210) 655-4745

Latin Dance Class Don't just watch the stars dance, dance like them. 6-7:30 p.m. Auditorium, Central Library, 600 Soledad. Free. sanantonio.gov/library; (210) 207-2500

Punk Bunny mixes things up with a blend of electronica at Atomix, 1902 McCullough. Doors at 9 p.m. $3 for adults, $5 minors. myspace.com/ punkbunnymusic, kaozgoth.tripod.com; (210) 733-3855

Friday, March 28

Cine Mujer An array of movies, shorts, documentaries and feature films made by women, about women. This is part one in a two weekend flim festival covering issues of social, economic and environmental justice. Event times vary. Esperanza Peace and Justice Center, 922 San Pedro. Free. esperanzacenter.org; (210) 228-0201

Craig Morgan in concert Listen to some sweet country singing. 7 p.m. March 28. Cowboy's Dancehall, 3030 N.E. Loop 410. $10-$20. (210) 646-9378; (210) 224-9600; cowboys dancehall.com; ticketmaster.com

Karaoke with Music Affairs You won't find “Peanuts” and the gang but you can get over your stage fright and show off your talents, or lack thereof. 9:30 p.m. Charlie Browns, 11888 Starcrest. Free. charlie-browns.com; (210) 496-7092

Two-Way Street plays at the Hangin' Tree Saloon, 18424 W. 2nd St. 8 p.m. $5. hangintree.com; (210) 651-5812

‘Run Fat Boy Run' opening A comedy about how to make up with your former bride-to-be after leaving her pregnant and at the alter. Ouch. Starring Simon Peg (that guy from “Shawn of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz.”) Show times vary. runfatboyrunmovie.com

Tahni Handal plays a blend of rock, R&B and soul at The Cove, 606 W. Cypress. 9 p.m. $5. thecove.us; myspace.com/ tahnihandal; (210) 227-2683

‘Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' A comedy about depression and other issues. Don't worry there are some guaranteed laughs spun in there too. 8 p.m. Through March 29. Jump-Start Theater, 108 Blue Star, Blue Star Arts Complex, S. Alamo at Probandt. $12; discounts for students, military and seniors. Jump-start.org; (210) 227-5867

Saturday, March 29

12th Annual César E. Chávez March for Justice Avenida Guadalupe will host a program and health fair from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. Grand Marshall of this year's march is Federico Chávez, the nephew of César E. Chávez. March to the Alamo begins at 1 p.m. at the Avenida Guadalupe, 1321 El Paso. Free. sachavezfoundation.org, sanantonio.gov

Basura Bash Think of this event as spring cleaning for the river. Volunteers work to clear the rivers and creeks of trash and debris. Maybe this event should move to after Fiesta ends.

Registration 8-9 a.m. Clean-up 9 a.m.-noon. Call (210) 858-9111 if you are interested in volunteering. Visit basurabash.org for a list of creeks and rivers.

Dianne Reeves in concert This Grammy award-winning jazz vocalist helps raise money for KRTU (91.7 FM), Trinity's university radio station. 8 p.m. Laurie Auditorium, 1 Trinity Place. $30-$50. (210) 999-7011, ext. 8117; (210) 224-9600; krtu.org; ticketmaster.com

Grand opening Lululemon Athletica, a stylish clothing company for athletes and yogis, opens a showroom in San Antonio. Test your skills and Lululemon's clothes at a free one-hour yoga class at 9:30 a.m. Store open 11 a.m.-5 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays. 8001 Broadway. lululemon.com

Jazz Meets Classical A mix of jazz influenced and classical music blended into one program. 7 p.m. Instituto Cultural de Mexico, 600 HemisFair Park. $10 adults, $5 students. saculturamexico.org; (210) 227-0123

Mike-arita Ville It's a Fiesta pre-party with 99.5 and Mike's Hard Lemonade. Sign up to compete in the KISS Pong Tournament. Papa Wood and Third Eye perform. 5 p.m. Free. Maverick Plaza in La Villita (South Alamo at Nueva). kissrocks.com

Sunday, March 30

Miss Recreation Pageant The finalists fight for the crown but more importantly a $1,000 educational scholarship and will represent San Antonio Recreation at all events. 2 p.m. Carver Cultural Center, 226 N. Hackberry. Free. sanantonio.gov/sapar/ missrecreation; (210) 207-3134

Open mic night Jump on stage and show 'em what you got. Sign up at 9:30 p.m. Lion & Rose Authentic English Pub, 842 N.W. Loop 410. Free. thelionandrose.com; (210) 798-4145

Spurs vs. Houston Rockets The champs take on Houston as practice for the upcoming playoffs. Noon. AT&T Center. $9-$899. ticketmaster.com, spurs.com; (210) 224-9600

Monday, March 31

Funniest Person in Southwest Texas Watch locals battle it out for the title and have some laughs along the way. This is the final showdown. 8:30 p.m. River Center Comedy Club, 849 E. Commerce. $8. rivercentercomedyclub.com; (210) 229-1420

Sam's Swing Factory Get in the dancing spirit with live music from King Pelican a mix of surfer music and rock. 7 p.m.-midnight. Sam's Burger Joint, 330 E. Grayson St. $5. samsburgerjoint.com; (210) 223-2830

The AKA's, The Cartographers and the Early Strike play the early show at Rock Bottom Tattoo Bar, 1033 Avenue B. 6 p.m. $10. myspace.com/ rockbottom tattoobar; (210) 320-2387

Tuesday, April 1

Premios a la Musica Latina A night filled with Latin artists including the Campanas de America. 7 p.m. The Majestic Theater, 226 E Houston St. $17.60-$47.60. majesticempire.com; ticketmaster.com; (210) 224-9600

‘Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street' DVD release Grab your copy of this gory Broadway musical filled with bright orange blood, pies made out of people and of course Johnny Depp. Prices vary. sweeneytoddmovie.com

Coming Up

April 3: Journalist Seymour Hersh Lecture This writer for The New Yorker magazine will speak about U.S. foreign policy. 7:30 p.m. Laurie Auditorium, Trinity University, 1 Trinity Place. Free. trinity.edu; (210) 999-8406

April 5: Dog Tails on the Voelcker Trails Not an ordinary dog walk. Along with an exciting walk in the park there will be pet adoptions and free micro chipping courtesy of Animal Care Services. Plus free T-shirts for the first 100 participants. Registration is at 8 a.m., walk is at 9 a.m. Voelcker Trails, 12500 N.W. Military Highway. Free. sanantonio.gov; (210) 207-7321

April 10-13: 30th Annual CineFestival A three-day event filled with films from Latino moviemakers. Includes selections from the Cevallos Brothers, Efrain Gutierrez and more. Event times vary. Guadalupe Theater, 1300 Guadalupe St. $40 general admission, $30 for students. cinefestivalsa.org; (210) 271-3151