I am so well known, famous even, in a half block radius of my home for a dish that has been known to make chefs cry with envy.

The dish is Beanie Weenie's Al Gratin.

My secret is to use baked beans instead of the standard — pork ‘n' — variety, and I add a little Worcestershire sauce. I serve it with buttered corn bread.

Unfortunately, I have not yet mastered making real corn bread, so what I do is butter up some sweet corn and wrap it in a slice of bread.

If I want to go fancy, I use some exotic sounding wheat bread. But normal white bread works just as well.

Yes, I am one hell of a cook when I want to be.

I was making homemade beef jerky out of bologna the other day when something on caught my attention and revolutionized the way I look at TV and cook at the same time.

It is “Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares” on BBC America at 8 p.m. Thursday nights.

It will F-ing rock you. I say F-ing because apparently the master technique of chef Ramsey is to run around screaming F-ing this and F-ing that. Shortly after his tirades, dishes of all variety come flying out of kitchens all over the UK.

The reality show has Chef Ramsey crisscrossing the UK, spending a week with a failing restaurant, where he works his magic and tries to help the owners and staff to get their business back on its feet.

The guy really knows his stuff, which comes across slowly because his personality is so rough and combative.

He has no sympathy for sub par performances. You either work or perform to the standards he wants or he rips you a new one.

This is where all the F-ing comes into play. He really just runs around yelling “What the F? Who F-ing did this? What are you F-ing doing with that Cornish hen! If you over sauce that swordfish I'll F-ing rip your bullocks off!”

And then a week later if the staff does all of what he said, Walla! Business is back.

But you have to be careful. Such techniques must only work in British, Scottish and Welsh eateries, because I have had poor results.

On New Year's Eve, I screamed at my aunt that if she put one more can of Ro*Tel Tomatoes into the Velveeta cheese dip, she would F-ing get a queso colonic. Then I kicked my uncle and threw a pigs foot at him because he was using too much cilantro for the menudo.

My actions did not produce the motivating results I was hoping for. I spent the rest of the party sitting on the back porch with a bowl of Beanie Weenie's and some loose corn bread.

So not everything works as well as it seems on TV.