Britney's parenting coach

Having a court order to coach Britney Spears into being a good parent has to be one of the most unenviable jobs of 2007 — right up there with Middle East peace envoy and Lindsay Lohan's AA sponsor. The umbrella swinging pop tart tried to prove her parenting prowess by running a red light while texting behind the wheel — with her children in the back seat. The coach wasn't impressed and issued a scathing report on Spears.

Prediction for 2008: With her millions squandered, Britney and her 16-year-old sister will try to get a parenting-coach bulk discount.
 

Maps endure insults

Maps got some much-needed love in 2007 as people scrambled to make sure they could tell the difference between South Africa and the Iraq. Miss Teen USA contestant Lauren Upton had a theory. “I, personally, believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps ..... and I believe that they should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future.”

Prediction for 2008: Let's face it, maps should enjoy the limelight while they can because nobody's going to care in 2008.
 

Mulchie the mulch fire

It looked for a while like 2007 might belong to Helotes' home-grown anti-hero, Mulchie. The 80-feet-high pile of debris spawned its own fashion line and MySpace page as it spewed a smelly, smoky haze over much of the Northwest Side. It took three months, $5.5 million and millions of gallons of water to extinguish Mulchie, but he still lives in the hearts — and lungs — of South Texans.

Prediction for 2008: With a jealous eye on Mulchie's success, the pile of construction debris at the 410/I-10 interchange will get an agent and go all Hollywood on us.
 

‘Don't tase me, bro!' bro

University of Florida student Andrew Meyer's “Don't tase me, bro” pleas ignited an Internet phenomenon even as campus cops nearly ignited his shirt with their trigger-happy tasering. The incident was caught on video as Meyer tried to stop campus police from throwing him out of a speech by Sen. John Kerry. Within days it showed up on ringtones and T-shirts.

Prediction for 2008: In a sad attempt to recapture his glory days, Meyer will travel across the country heckling politicians, until he finally makes the ill-advised decision to heckle politicians in Pakistan. 
 

The Bexar County Jail

The county lock-up saw plenty of action in 2007, with Bexar County Sheriff Ralph Lopez resigning and pleading no contest to three misdemeanor charges after an investigation into a questionable jail commissary contract. But it wasn't all the turnover that helped a suspect charged with murder, aggravated robbery, burglary with intent to commit assault and a parole violation walk out of the jail. He simply passed himself off as his about-to-be-released cellmate.

Prediction for 2008: Stupidity will be declared a felony, and this list will be a lot shorter in 2008.

From staff and wire reports