Deck the halls and bust out your best fa la la la las, it's Christmas time! Which means most of us celebrate the birth of the reigning lord, rampant commercial spending. Hallelujah!

Others honor Christ's birth, some celebrate Chaka Khan, still others do Kwanzaa.

Me? I am the worst type of holiday panderer, I celebrate Christmas TV programming. I sit on my couch and shout at the TV while wearing red and green socks.

But here's where my Christmases get fun, if I happen to miss my daily Lexapro, I end up wandering through random Wal-Marts and Targets in a Santa outfit asking all the hot chicks what they want from Santa for Christmas. Then, if my wife bails me out, I eat sugar cookies and test that whole insulin theory. Yup, it is a most wonderful time of the year.

However, this season I will take a break from my usual holiday programming of “A Christmas Story,” “Star Wars” movies, Christmas-themed horror movies and “Die Hard,” to spend some quality time with Comedy Central.

The cable network is giving back to us this year with  “The 13 Nights of Christmas.”

Starting at 9 p.m. Wednesday, Dec. 12, and running through Christmas Eve, special unknown programming gifts will be offered to us with all the holiday glee one can imagine.

Now, I know what you are thinking: “Dear God, thank you! My dream of 13 nights straight of ‘The Karate Kid' is about to come true!”

Not so. I doubt Comedy Central is as progressive as to give us something as amazing as that.

Though you have to admit that 13 airings of “The Karate Kid” would be a fitting tribute to our lord and savior.
 
It would certainly beat the hell out of my Christmas. Because, come on, “sweep the leg,” remains perhaps the best line in a movie ever. I still maintain that next to Darth Vader, John Kreese is cinema's greatest villain.

Instead, we will be getting something almost as good, Cartman, Sara Silverman and the boys from Jackass. Each night, Comedy Central will air blocks of episodes from “South Park” and the “The Sarah Silverman Program,” and mixed in will be movies such as “Jackass The Movie” and “Napoleon Dynamite.”

Because when you think of great holiday programming, I'm sure you also think of some shirtless inked-up goofball snorting wasabi until he vomits or giving himself a beer enema. Just thinking about it gets me in a wassail mood.

As for what we can expect the other nine nights, only Santa knows. And while this fat bastard would tell, that fat bastard ain't telling.