The holidays mean more time with the family, which in turn means more useless small talk. For those of you who are single, that usually entails a laundry list of stock questions from family members, most of which center on why you have not gotten engaged, married, pregnant, etc. You probably grew tired of these questions years ago and have politely bitten your tongue out of respect.

Well, the moratorium on snarkiness is officially over, so here are some answers to those redundant relationship inquiries that are sure to give you the King/Queen of Smartass title this holiday season.
 
When are you two (pointing to that boy/girlfriend you've had for approximately a decade) finally going to get married?

Never. We want this relationship to last.
 
THE 210 TAKE: You've just turned the tables on your married counterparts, and you have the stats to back it up. After all, according to divorcerate.org, 40-50 percent of all first marriages end in divorce.

Why are you still single? (with emphasis on the word “still”)

My sex drive is too much for one person to handle.

THE 210 TAKE: Rest assured, thanks to your sexual reference, that particular family member will not bother you again for the remainder of the holidays.

Is he/she the one?

The one for what? (courtesy of quirkyalone.net founder Sasha Cagen)

THE 210 TAKE: Not only do you get to be snide, but if the inquiring party gets offended by your sarcasm, you can play it off and pretend like you truly didn't know what the aforementioned “one” was? It's win-win.

So, no kids yet?

None that I know of.

THE 210 TAKE: As if being single wasn't bad enough, now your family thinks you're promiscuous. Congratulations, you're officially a black sheep.

So, whatever happened to (insert ex's name)?

They left me for someone else.

THE 210 TAKE: You've just ensured, thanks to the ensuing uncomfortable silence, that no relative will discuss your social life for the foreseeable future.

Clint Hale | 210SA