Who knows more about alcohol than the people who serve it? Bartenders not only have an extensive knowledge of alcohol, many of them also have a miles-long list of stories. After all, late nights, alcohol and strangers can often combine into one interesting mix. With the holiday season — a cash cow for the bar industry — upon us, 210SA talked to three San Antonio bartenders about their experiences behind the bar. And to keep things on an even keel, we chose three distinctly different types of establishments — a dive (Broadway Bar), a mid-range haunt (Martini Club) and a more upscale joint (Swig). Here is what they all had to say.
 

DAVID URIBE

SWIG MANAGER/ BARTENDER

You've worked here for five years, so I'm sure you've got some stories. Mind telling us one?

DU: About a month ago, this older man was here all night, a cool guy who was getting more intoxicated as the night went on. He went into the restroom, but there were no open stalls, and one of the guys in a stall happened to be a door guy. The (drunk) guy said he had to go, and our door guy said, “Give it a second.” The old man says, “I'm going to piss in the sink,” so he plops himself out and goes in the sink. Our door guy is like, “Man, what are you doing?” He goes, “I'm sorry,” and goes from the sink to the trashcan. We're like, “It's still not a toilet, man,” so he turns around and pisses all over me and the door guy. If he had just gone to the restroom, we would have given him the chance to put it away and go out nicely. But for pissing on our shoes, we walked him out with himself hanging out.

What are some drinks that get real popular come the holiday season?

DU: We have eight or nine chocolate martinis, and without fail, during the holiday season, the chocolate martini (sales) shoot up. It's cold and chocolatey, and for some reason, it's easier to order a chocolate drink during the holidays. People love mint, too. Like a mojito, which we call the bane of a bartender's existence. It's a pain to make, but it's a great drink, and I like making them. If you make somebody a good mojito, they'll come back to you for years.

What type of alcohol do you use more than any other?

DU: I like vodka because it doesn't have a flavor for the most part. Whatever you add to it makes the taste of the drink. You start with vodka, and you can go anywhere.

What's a standard tip for a bartender?

DU: At the end of the night, I can't be mad if my tips are as least 10 percent of what I sold. But a good bartender will be able to make 20 percent.

What's your own personal drink of choice?

DU: I'm a simple guy, and if I'm relaxing and whatnot, I like beer. After dinner, I'll have a scotch on the rocks or bourbon on the rocks. For dessert, I'll have my chocolate martini or a Soprano (a fruity drink with orange juice and rum). Working here and getting to know liquor as much as I do, you can't go wrong with scotch or bourbon.

What has bartending done for your dating life?

DU: It's great for your dating life because you can take a different girl out every week and have a good time, but it's horrible for your love life. Say you find a girl you enjoy spending time with ..... there are only two nights a week I can give her. The other five, I'm here until 3 (a.m.). It takes a strong woman to put up with girls hitting on me. My mornings aren't there, and my schedule is different ..... It makes having a girlfriend tough.

CLINT HALE | 210SA
 

ANNETTE HARPER

HEAD BARTENDER AT MARTINI CLUB

You've been bartending for seven years, and you were a cocktail waitress in Las Vegas. What's your favorite part of bartending?

AH: Meeting the customers. You just meet all different types of people, and you almost become family.

What's the part that's maybe not so fun?

AH: The smoke. Getting out at 5 in the morning. My mother calls Wayne (Annette's husband and owner of Martini Club) and I the vampires.

Martinis are the club's signature drink. What are the most popular ones?

AH: The apple and the chocolate.

To be honest, I'm not a martini fan. They're a bit strong for me.

AH: You know what people tell me sometimes? “Could you not make my martini strong, please?” A martini is vodka, straight up vodka. How can you not make a martini strong, for God's sakes? You're in a martini bar; I guess you just don't know what you're ordering.

What's your specialty?

AH: We call it the Wingman. People get a big kick out of this. It's a double shooter (two shot glasses connected by a bar). Both people have to (drink) it together.

So is a martini your favorite drink?

AH: No, Washington Apple is my favorite drink. That's Crown (Royal), apple (schnapps) and cranberry. I like the apple, and I like the Crown, and the cranberry's good for you.

What else do people ask for?

AH: Shake it, shake it, shake it. They like to see the bartender shake the martini. I saw this automatic martini maker. It's like a blender, and you stick your shaker in there, and I guess it just shakes it for you. And my husband is like, “No, they want bartenders to shake the martinis because everything shakes along with it.”

Do you get hit on a lot?

AH: Uh, yeah, I do. But then they all know I'm married.

So it's more of an innocent flirtation?

AH: Mm-hmm. It's part of the show. You gotta flirt with the people, but I have the bar between me and the customers. But yes, you do get hit on quite a lot. People ask, “Your boobs real?”

So there's a musical show on stage, and you're behind the bar in the back putting on your own show.

AH: Exactly. Bartenders have to put on a show. You cannot be in a miserable mood back there. You have to be a very happy-go-lucky bartender and smile and laugh and go along with everybody.

I think people think of bartending as a really cool job.

AH: It is. You have a lot of attention on you as well, and I think a lot of people want that. They want that attention.

JESSICA BELASCO | 210SA Contributor
 

KRISTINA RAMIREZ

BARTENDER AT BROADWAY BAR

How did you get into bartending?

KR: I've been bartending for 13 years. What first attracted me was the money. But the people I met kept me here.

What is the most memorable pass someone has made at you?

KR: There's so many, I don't know. I just get the obvious, stupid ones. I recently broke my leg, and a man's wife asked me if I would go home with them so she could take care of me.

Do you think it's helpful to flirt as a bartender?

KR: It doesn't hurt.

How does bartending affect your love life?

KR: I have to date someone who is really secure with themselves. My boyfriend's really secure with himself. (Flirting is) a part of the job.

What is your favorite drink?

KR: My favorite drink that I take personally is straight vodka chilled — Tito's vodka. It's from Texas.

What is your favorite drink to make?

KR: My favorite shot to make is Star-f**kers. It's raspberry vodka, watermelon Pucker (schnapps), a little bit of (Seagram's) 7, a little bit of Red Bull.

Do you see people order certain types of drinks around the holidays?

KR: I don't see people order more of certain types of drinks. It's more drinks because it's the holidays.

What is one of the weirdest things you've seen as a bartender?

KR: People having sex ... It was in the back. It was hidden, but people could see. That's not at this bar.

Do you have to have thick skin to be a bartender?

KR: On a daily basis you have to put people in their place, but I do it in a nice way. I can't rough people up. One, it's against the law, and I physically can't. But I have regulars that do that for me, or a door guy.

Emily Messer | 210SA