A guy walks into this bar and orders a beer. That is the entire basis for the show “Three Sheets.”

Airing Wednesday nights at 8 p.m. on Mojo (a relatively new hi-def network,) the show is as simple as the average and lazy lead I gave it.

One guy, Zane Lamprey, travels the globe going from bar to pub to restaurant, trying out all the flavors on the beer and alcohol rainbow.

I have loads of fun watching, and it would be perfect but for its host. Lamprey is a total schmuck.

Watch one segment, and if you can tell me that this guy is not a boorish maroon, then you are most likely the kind of person who loves The Eagles and reciting catchphrases like “Get r Done.”

If Lamprey were not already a quasi-comedian, he would be the Dane Cook of TV hosts; as it is, Lamprey is the Zane Lamprey of TV hosts.

His jokes are awful, and his buffoon approach will embarrass you. It isn't that he doesn't know what he is doing; he knows the host bit pretty well. He's the epitome of the ugly American.

Knock-knock jokes are the best example I can come up with to explain Lamprey's unique blend of butt smell and praline comedy. All the while, he prances through foreign lands like a drunken frat, acting as if he owned the places.
 
Regardless, beer is good. Who can argue with that?

I asked the one guy who knows more about beer than anyone I know, Express-News cake-eater and beer-writer Travis Poling, and he agrees. Beer is good.

He's also heard through the local beer coinsurer grapevine that while many seem to like “Three Sheets” for its HD tour of unique beer in far-off places, still, they all want to take a cheese grater to Lamprey's horrible shtick.

Let's dump Lamprey in the toilet where he belongs for a bit and concentrate on what makes the show good. Other than beer, I mean.

“Three Sheets” opens the thrilling world of beer variety in ways no show ever has. From weathered alehouses in Belgium and jaunty Irish pubs to beach settings in Costa Rica and Belize, you see local beers brewed, presented and consumed in mouth-watering crystal HD.

The show does more than just show you different beers; it takes you to where beer lives, where beer was invented, where beer is respected.

I love the visuals. Now, I, too, want to walk the halls of monasteries where beer is brewed the same way it has been for more than 1,000 years. I want to taste beer that has never been pasteurized and throw my arm around some drunken soccer fan and sing some song about ancestors and whatnot. I WANT TO LIVE BEER!

All I want to do is take a stab at the “Mumbles Mile.” What's the “Mumbles Mile?” Watch “Three Sheets.”