Alicia Wagner Calzada | 210SA Contributor Some visitors scoff at zombies, but let’s see how they look when they’re dead. They might not make it out alive.

When I was 10, I accidentally — and regrettably — stumbled upon my parents having sex. Fifteen years have passed, and to this day, that rather inopportune encounter stands as the most mind-f**king event of my life. Brushes with the law, a positive pregnancy test and the occasional Janice Dickinson crotch shot on TMZ.com have all tried, and failed, to top that fateful childhood episode, one that has caused me to continue to enter any room with my eyes closed.

Watch Clint tour Nightmare on Grayson Watch video from the wacky world of Cherry's Costume & Galore

The doll from ‘Saw’ is someone you don’t want to tangle with in the dark.

All kinds of unsavory creatures and ghouls make you feel unwelcome at Nightmare on Grayson.

Chalk that hesitance up to my distaste for surprises, which is why I was somewhat skeptical when summoned to venture into my first haunted house — San Antonio's legendary Nightmare on Grayson.

So with butterflies fluttering in my knot-filled stomach, I did what any self-respecting American would do in times of panic ..... popped a legal dose of prescription meds and headed on down to Grayson Street.

That was for the best, as Nightmare on Grayson — though paling in comparison to a parental tryst — does provide quite a scare.

The journey through the house begins with a greeting from some demonic guy on a TV screen. He seems scary enough. But then again, he's speaking to me from the confines of a television screen, almost like a satanic Wizard of Oz, and that guy ended up having no balls whatsoever.

The excitement, however, increased from there.

After getting up close and personal with that creepy doll from the “Saw” movie franchise, it was off to a room where “electric voltage” caused the floors to vibrate as ghoulish characters lurking in the shadows caused my knees to quiver.

Throughout the remainder of the journey, we encountered what appeared to be a haunted school bus, a hallucinogenic-style room with fluorescent walls (anyone infatuated with The Grateful Dead or Flaming Lips would feel right at home) and a mad scientist's lab.

And then there was the highlight of the 20-minute excursion — the ironically titled “Funhouse,” which features (what else?) clowns doing their best to make Nightmare on Grayson patrons scream like schoolgirls.

Many people — young and old — don't care for clowns (I blame the TV movie version of Stephen King's “It”), so it makes sense that this portion of the Grayson experience is perhaps the most frightening.

But for a first-timer like myself, little did I know that these sorts of attractions come standard in a majority of haunted houses.

“I like to come up with new concepts,” said Gordon Wise, Nightmare on Grayson's director of operations. “But it's hard because in this business, it's all been done.”

Nevertheless, Wise and his crew of about 100 people — characters included — try, year after year, to bring a little originality to Nightmare on Grayson.

They touch base with potential clients to gauge the newest trends. They scour the latest horror flicks with the hopes of adding a demonic member to the family. They hold on to their veteran character actors, who are rather adept — thanks to years of experience — at eliciting fear from an audience.

Quite frankly, no matter how much effort it requires, they're eventually going to scare the s**t out of you.
And they don't even need Mom and Dad to do it.
 

Clint Hale | 210SA