| Vianna Davila: Dating is just like riding a bike: Both leave a mark when you fall |
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| Wednesday, 11 July 2007 | ||
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When I was 8 years old, I passed two major milestones of childhood: I taught myself how to roller-skate in my driveway, and I learned how to ride a bicycle without training wheels.
But then I got a little older and stopped rolling and pedaling along. It wasn't until my 20s that I thought of picking up the activities again — and suddenly I was incredibly off-balance, unsure when to zip or to zag and always, always worried I might fall. Dating, unfortunately, has begun to feel the same way. You think you've finally mastered the process, or at least know enough to get in the game and stay on your feet. And then, a few months of “personal growth” and self-imposed (or involuntary) alone time can seriously damage our ability to get back in the swing of things. Now, when someone asks me out, I react like they just tried to sell me plutonium — I don't quite know what to do with it, and I fear I might experience some serious health problems if I get exposed. Is it possible to forget how to date? Or is it possible some of us never really knew how? I received minimal training in the art of dating. I met my first boyfriend at a state science fair when we were high school sophomores. We went bowling once or twice, but a courtship it was not. Today's college co-eds aren't any better educated. At my university, we regularly joked that only two types of romances existed: actual relationships or hookups. Traditional dating never played a significant role among several of my friends who have entered into serious relationships: One fell suddenly and madly in love with a guy she'd only seen intermittently since high school; others moved in with their partners within a couple of months. Why can't all romances start like that, as if it were as quick and painless as teleporting? My last two relationships grew serious fairly quickly. We went on dates at the beginning of our flirtation, but each time that dissolved into hanging out. I can't even remember who asked who out, or if I wondered should I call or wait for them to buzz me. Was I actually unsure in the beginning, afraid to take a risk, and only now do I remember those early starts as effortless exercises in love? I would kill for some training wheels now, someone to hold my hand in this search for another person — either for love or some thrills. For someone who's always afraid to fall, a return to the dating world is frightening business. |
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