AP Illustration/Siobhan Dooley

Angie Wagner
asap

A few weeks before I turned 30, I sat down and had a really good cry.

I couldn't really explain it, but it was the thought of saying goodbye to my 20s and welcoming a new decade. I was also weeks away from giving birth to my first child, so I was a bit emotional.

But turning 30?

Everybody was 30. No longer would I burst out -- I'm 24! -- or get ID'd when I bought cooking wine at the grocery store.

Nope, a new time was upon me.

Here I am four years and two kids later, and I notice things have changed in subtle ways I hardly notice. Time has flown. My 20s seemed to have lasted forever, but once I turned 30, the years just kept coming. At times, I could barely remember how old I was when someone asked. Was I 32 or 33? Did it matter?

In other ways, it's hard not to notice that my belly, after two C-sections, is just not as firm as it used to be. The crow's feet around my eyes are a bit more prominent. The sun spots on my face are starting to show after years of carefree tanning without sunscreen.

I subscribe to "Good Housekeeping" and actually like it. It has excellent tips for getting out stains or cleaning rust off an iron skillet.

I'm getting old, or maybe older is a better word.

There, I said it.

Last year, I saw a colleague I hadn't seen in about 10 years.

His comment was this: "It's nice to see you've kept yourself up."

I said "thank you," but wasn't sure what exactly that meant.

Did that mean he thought once you have kids, you let yourself go?

And what does that mean, really?

Have I let myself go?

Who really cares?

There are definitely days I don't put makeup on. I don't necessarily think a trip to the park in 110 degree heat is worthy of it, I guess.

And there are days when I don't wash my hair. The horror!

My clothes by the end of the day have stains on them from the baby wiping everything on me. I'm sure I look amazing with the regurgitated fruit snacks stuck to my pants.

Sometimes I look at my children and think: "I can't believe I have two kids and that I am their mother."

Some days it feels like college was just a couple of years ago, not 12.

Then I remember how bothered I am now by loud music and skateboarders outside my window when my girls are trying to nap. Or how much a good bargain excites me and how I love to plan my children's birthday parties.

So, do I still have "it?"

Well, whatever it is, I've got something.

I've got two beautiful girls who have the ability to drive me crazy and melt my heart within the same hour. Yes, I've got a few more lines in my face, my weight on my driver's license is about 12 pounds less than what I weigh today. And I'm not always picture perfect each day.

But I have let myself go, go into a new era that keeps getting better. What was life like before our children? It's hard to remember. Sure, things have changed, or as my OB/GYN explained: "moved around."

And I'm totally cool with that.

Wait, am I too old to use that word?

asap contributor Angie Wagner is an AP national writer who lives in Las Vegas.