For the first time in my life, I actually wanted to catch it.

I was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding last November, surrounded by a gaggle of single women who wanted to catch it, too.
  
With one quick fling, the bride threw back her arm. Her bouquet flew like a hand grenade. A stampede of heeled women went scrambling.

An 8-year-old girl caught it.

This was a stereotypical scenario: Single women, halfway believing the bouquet toss-and-catch is old-fashioned twaddle while secretly hoping there's something to it, that your future love monkey is one more champagne toast away.

By the time I'd squeezed myself into my pink bridesmaid's dress, I had begun to crack under the pressure. Should I look for Mr. Monkey with a little more fervor or is it better to steer clear of the altar?

The marriage bug is more out of control than Lindsay Lohan on an all-night bender, more dangerous than Paris Hilton in fashionable jail stripes.

Entire magazines, television shows and Web sites are devoted to the syndrome. Stores cater to it, hope chests are carved for it and centerpieces are designed for it.

Don't get me wrong. I wish these people love, happiness and all the eternal sunshine they can stand. Really. I swear.

But am I responsible enough for marriage? I don't always remember to feed my cat, let alone know how to make a relationship work.

Look at the epidemic of divorce out there. Those relationships probably started out romantic and lovely. Then kids and cars that won't start and cell phone bills begin to complicate things. So do old age and sickness, chemical imbalances and extended family. And, oh, the ways we muck it all up with our mistakes.

And yet, I want to get married. It's not so much about a wedding — anyone can throw a big party and act spoiled. I'm more interested in landing a guy whose habits I can stand and who can stand all of mine, a guy who won't make me compromise but for whom I will be willing to compromise.

So tell me, those of you living in the haze of wedded bliss: Is there an exact science to marriage, a formula that says X plus Y gets you mutual love, understanding and a lifetime of great sex? Is it really as simple as finding someone at the office, at the video game store or a police standoff?

Until I find the answer, I'll take out a notice in the paper: “Vianna Davila, 27, would like to announce that she remains unmarried, has yet to produce offspring and still has no idea what she's doing. She's registered for gifts everywhere.”

And until I find the right person, do I plan to live it up and dance like an idiot at all the weddings I attend?

I do.