It is no secret I owned Spider-Man Underoos as a lad. It is even less of a secret that I still have them. But what should disturb you more than a grown man possessing children's underpants is that the namesake for those underpants has no TV drama/thriller live-action show on the air.

Unbelievable!

With all the Spidey mania going on the past few years, you’d think we would already be watching one and not just chasing rumors.

It can be done. “Smallville” has shown us the way. And everybody knows that anything a Superman can do, a Spider-Man can do better.

So why all the sudden Spidey love? Well, since those bastards at Marvel killed Captain America, I have been in the market for a new superhero. The Green Lantern does not have a movie out this week, so Spidey wins by default.

Peter Parker has a long history with TV, beginning in 1967 with the first Spidey series, the animated “Spider-Man.” It was the series responsible for the horrible “Spider-Man, Spider-Man” jingle. Though it was before my time, I have seen plenty of them on old VHS. And if you don't want to get slapped, don't ask me, “What's a VHS?”

Anyway, Spidey next swung onto our TV sets seven years later with a series of live-action skits on the urban coolness that was “The Electric Company” on PBS. I remember seeing them in reruns years later. They were a mere footnote for the Spidey franchise. But worth checking.

Next is one of the coolest cheesy shows ever. The 1978 live-action “Amazing Spider-Man” scored big with your average Joes but cheesed off many a hardcore Spidey fan base with changes made to the character and story mythos.

A highly underappreciated show was the animated “Spider-Man.” Beginning and ending in 1981, it was actually pretty tight as far as look and story. But it was pummeled by our next show that is possibly the best Spidey series.

“Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends” also aired in 1981 on Saturday mornings and is the show that first endeared me to the character. For three glorious years on NBC, Spidey, Iceman and Firestar had us running around our living rooms spilling milk and cereal all over the place.

In 1994, Fox hit us with “Spider-Man.” It is the one Spidey show that drew most on Marvel and Spidey continuity and was heavily inspired by Fox's “X-Men” animated series. Which is probably why it was so good.
“Spider-Man Unlimited.” The less said the better. This one sucked.

“Spider-Man: The New Animated Series.” Cel-shaded animated crap, anyone?

And finally, next year we will get another Spidey animated series, “Amazing Spider-Man.”

’Toons are great, but, damnit, give us a Spidey live-action series! It gets me so angry, it makes my Underoos ride up.