Warning: This article contains information having to do with dangerous subjects such as women discussing sex in groups and battery-operated devices. Reader discretion is advised.

I was nearly involved in illegal activity last weekend.

It involved a group of women and two gay men. It involved inflammatory literature, possible contraband and — worst of all — mimosas.

Lots of mimosas.

Yes, I experienced the modern woman's new rite of passage commonly known as a “toy party,” the Tupperware party for the new millennium.

These were not the kinds of toys we played with when we were innocent little children. They were not stuffed animals (though some of the toys looked like animals).

No. This was a (try not to blush) sex-toy party.

Let me first say that no one was actually using the products on display at the party. It was more of an informative session. Nowadays, you can buy vials filled with aromatic pheromones and how-to sex books.

And then there were the toys themselves. I shouldn't be amazed by human kind's genius — we've made it to the moon, we've cracked the DNA code. And yet I am speechless when I see some of the wonders of engineering that have gone into designing these ingenious little gadgets, toys that were created for one amazing yet simple reason: To make us feel good.

But the Lone Star State doesn't really want you to feel good. Statutes related to sex toys can be found in Chapter 43 of the Texas penal code, falling under the category of public indecency, the same article that addresses crimes of prostitution and child pornography.

Under the obscenity clause, an obscene device is defined as “a device including a dildo or artificial vagina, designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.” And don't you dare have six devices in your possession because law enforcement will assume you are trying to promote them, which is illegal.

How often are people arrested because they owned six firearms? Has anyone committed a murder with a vibrating bunny rabbit?

And I can assure you, as a group goes, we were probably one of the least dangerous you could find. We weren't snorting cocaine on a tabletop mirror. There were no orgies. We merely got tipsy and loud.

Once again, this really comes down to love — love for your body and its endless physical needs. Just as we need food and water, we need our kicks, too.

Of course, I won't reveal when and where this alleged party took place or if anyone partook of the merchandise. In fact, I'm not even sure the gathering really happened.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have an, er, friend, who's desperate to find some double-A batteries.