Friday, April 20

FIESTA OYSTER BAKE
WHEN: 5-11 p.m. April 20; 11 a.m.-11 p.m. April 21
WHERE: St. Mary's University, One Camino Santa Maria St.
HOW MUCH: $13 advance; $15 at the gate; children 12 and under free
WHY IT'S COOL: Because it's Oyster Bake ..... for the 91st time! You know what to expect by now — food, drink, live music and, more than likely, a beer-drenched T-shirt by night's end.

Saturday, April 21

A TASTE OF NEW ORLEANS
WHEN: 4-11 p.m. April 20; noon-11 p.m. April 21; noon-10 p.m. April 22
WHERE: Sunken Garden Theater, 3875 N. St. Mary's St.
HOW MUCH: $11; children 10 and under free
WHY IT'S COOL: Hurricane Katrina wasn't that long ago, and there still are plenty of displaced New Orleans residents living in the Alamo City. With that in mind, head out and show support with a day of food, drink, fun and more food.

PIÑATAS IN THE BARRIO
WHEN: Noon-11 p.m.
WHERE: Avenida Plaza Guadalupe, 1327 Guadalupe St.
HOW MUCH: Free
WHY IT'S COOL: It's for a good cause, and you'll get to see “the barrio's largest piñata.” How big, we're not sure, but proceeds from the event support programs on the city's West Side, including diabetes nutritional education classes and wellness fairs.

Sunday, April 22

A DAY IN OLD MEXICO & MEXICAN CHARREADA
WHEN: 1-6 p.m.
WHERE: 6126 Padre Dr.
HOW MUCH: $10; children 12 and under free
WHY IT'S COOL: A Mexican rodeo. Mariachi music. A Mexican ballet. Food and drink. Besides the South Texas heat, and your hangover from Saturday night, what's not to love?

FAMILY FUNDAY SUNDAY
WHEN: 1-5 p.m.
WHERE: Clark High School,
5150 De Zavala Road
HOW MUCH: Free
WHY IT'S COOL: Fiesta isn't just about partying. It's also about family. So take your's out to this event, which features fun stuff such as a pie-eating contest, a jalapeno mouth-stuffing contest and game and food booths galore. Plus, the Clark High jazz band will provide some music, in case crowd noise creeps you out.

Monday, April 23

TEXAS CAVALIERS
RIVER PARADE
WHEN: 7-9:30 p.m.
WHERE: River Walk
HOW MUCH: $10-$25
WHY IT'S COOL: Maybe you've heard of it. As evidenced by the turnout in recent years, hundreds of thousands of others have. So heed your parents' advice from your childhood and do just as everyone else is doing. In this particular case, that means buying a River Parade ticket.

CUTTING EDGE FIESTA FASHION SHOW
WHEN: 11:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m.
WHERE: University of the Incarnate Word, UIW Sky Room, 847 E. Hildebrand Ave.
HOW MUCH: $50-$100
WHY IT'S COOL: Fashion models on a New York-style runway are a pretty good start. And since UIW students design the clothes and direct the show, it won't be tainted by old, out-of-touch types who think Cosby sweaters are still in vogue.

Tuesday, April 24

CORNYATION
WHEN: 9 p.m. through April 26
WHERE: Charlene McCombs Empire Theater, 226 N. St. Mary's St.
HOW MUCH: $15-$30
WHY IT'S COOL: For starters, it pokes fun at politicians and current events, so in this day, expect plenty of laughs. And it's self-billed as the “raunchiest, cheapest event of Fiesta,” so feel free to bring the kids ..... as long as you don't mind people staring at you with contempt.

MARIACHI FESTIVAL
WHEN: 7-10 p.m.
WHERE: River Walk, River Bend and extension of Paseo Del Rio
HOW MUCH: Free
WHY IT'S COOL: Because it's free, and it's mariachi music. You're going to be drinking anyway, so might as well take in some good tunes at the same time.
 

Wednesday, April 25

CARNIVAL
WHEN: 5 p.m.-midnight Monday-Thursday, noon-1 a.m. Fridays-Saturdays, 1 p.m.-midnight Sundays from April 20-29
WHERE: Dolorosa Street between Flores and Santa Rosa streets
HOW MUCH: Free admission; pay by the ride
WHY IT'S COOL: You can gorge yourself on food on a stick and try to keep it down on rides like Spin Out, or see if you can outwit the carnies at the midway games. Guess what? You can't.

GARTEN KONZERT
WHEN: 5 p.m.-midnight (through April 27)
WHERE: Beethoven Maennerchor Halle und Garten, 422 Pereida St.
HOW MUCH: $3 in advance, $5 at the door; free for children ages 12 and younger
WHY IT'S COOL: German beer in an outdoor biergarten. Need more reasons? There's also tasty German food, and seasoned musicians jam on accordions and tubas. If Teutonic entertainment ain't your thing, check out eclectic bands like Snowbyrd and the Exploding Sex Kittens from noon-6 p.m April 28 during King William Fair. It's free.

Thursday, April 26

NIGHT IN OLD SAN ANTONIO
WHEN: 5:30-10:30 p.m. April 24-27
WHERE: La Villita
HOW MUCH: $8 in advance, $10 at the gate for adults; $2 for children ages 6-12, free for children younger than 6
WHY IT'S COOL: Thursday April 26 is traditionally college night at NIOSA, which packs in 100,000 people over four days with live music, dance, food and drinks that reflect San Antonio's diverse heritage. That means you can have a beer or two and smash cascarones over people's heads, all in the name of multiculturalism.

TEJANO EXPLOSION
WHEN: 5:30 p.m.-2 a.m. April 19-28
WHERE: Cattleman's Square Tavern, West Houston and North Frio streets
HOW MUCH: $2 before 6 p.m.; after 6 p.m., admission prices vary depending on the night
WHY IT'S COOL: It sounds like a movie starring Bruce Willis, but no Tejano bands are harmed during this 10-day music extravaganza. It's a big dance party with food and drink vendors. Thursday, April 26, Michael Salgado and Los Texmaniacs take the stage.

Friday, April 27

BATTLE OF FLOWERS PARADE
WHEN: Vanguard 11:50 a.m., parade 12:45 p.m.
WHERE: Broadway at Josephine Street through downtown to Martin and Santa Rosa streets
HOW MUCH: Admission is free, but the parade committee offers bleacher seats for $12-$15 at (210) 223-1986, and some nonprofits offer street chairs for $8. Visit fiesta-sa.com for a map.
WHY IT'S COOL: This is the biggie — hundreds of thousands of people regularly turn out to cheer on dozens of floats and huge inflatable characters and catch glimpses of Fiesta royalty's shoes. If you want the true parade experience, camp out the night before for prime seating.

BONHAM AFTER-PARTY
WHEN: Doors open at noon
WHERE: Bonham Exchange, 411 Bonham St.
HOW MUCH: Free for 21 and older, $15 for everyone else
WHY IT'S COOL: This isn't an official Fiesta event, but we think it should be. You can escape the heat by watching the parade from the legendary club's video bar, or skip the parade altogether to drink, dance and watch the Go Go Boys go.

Saturday, April 28

FLAMBEAU NIGHT PARADE
WHEN: Vanguard 7 p.m.,% parade 7:45 p.m.
WHERE: Downtown
HOW MUCH: Admission is Free, but you can buy bleacher seats for $12-$15 at (210) 733-9141 or street chairs for $8 at (210) 227- 5191; visit fiesta-sa.com for a map.
WHY IT'S COOL: 1. It's said to be the nation's largest illuminated parade. 2. The grand marshal is Mario Lopez of “Saved by the Bell” and “Dancing With the Stars” fame. 3. It's broadcast live on KENS if you don't want to fight with half a million other people for parking downtown.

KING WILLIAM FAIR
WHEN: 10 a.m.-6 p.m.
WHERE: King William Historic District south of downtown
HOW MUCH: $3; free for ages 17 and younger
WHY IT'S COOL: Veterans of the King Williams Fair groan that it's gotten too crowded in the last few years, but we couldn't let it go without a mention. It kicks off with a small, funky parade that includes Miss Southtown and other drag queens. It's also known for awesome live music, and the picturesque setting can't be beat.

POOCH PARADE
WHEN: 8 a.m. registration and activities, 8:30 p.m. canine costume contest, 9 p.m. parade
WHERE: Alamo Heights Swimming Pool,% 250 Viesca St.
HOW MUCH: Free for spectators, $15 per person and one dog or $25 for per family and all the family dogs if your registration is postmarked by April 19; registration fees go up by $5 the day of the event. Visit deltasa.org.
WHY IT'S COOL: It's a PARADE of DOGS. Also, household-hint diva Heloise is the emcee. The proceeds benefit the Delta Society's programs, which include bringing animals to visit the sick and elderly.

Sunday, April 29

BLUES HERITAGE SERIES
WHEN: Noon-6 p.m.
WHERE: Sunset Station, 1174 E. Commerce St.
HOW MUCH: $10; free for kids in grades 1-12 with school ID
WHY IT'S COOL: The San Antonio Blues Society is calling this show “Harmonicapalooza,” which wins the Best Name of a Fiesta Event Award. Must-see blues legend Lazy Lester is headlining. It's a mellow, laid-back way to wrap up Fiesta.

SLEEP IT OFF
If you've made it this far, we salute you. You've partaken of the worldly pleasures Fiesta has to offer, and it was good. Go to bed early and rest up for next year.