Wednesday | April 11

J.LO ON ‘AMERICAN IDOL'
Lowdown: On Wednesday, a wannabe goes home (probably Phil Stacey or San Antonio's own Haley Scarnato), leaving us with seven overwrought singers to watch. Who cares? We're watching tonight because Jennifer Lopez performs live. Maybe she'll wear a “Po-Hawk.” Or that sparkly Selena jumpsuit. Or maybe she'll get in a catfight with Paula Abdul. And even if J. Lo's not your bag, then tune in to catch cult superstar Sanjaya Malakar as he moves on to the next round.
When: 8 p.m.
Where: FOX
Info: americanidol.com

$300 CHEEKS & CHAPS
Lowdown: The wife won't let you go to Sugar's anymore? This event features women in chaps competing for cash, so consider it the next best thing. And if the wife still isn't cool with it, there's always Hooters.
When: 6 p.m.-2 a.m.
Where: Graham Central Station, 4902 Fredericksburg Road
How much: No cover for women (even if you don't wear chaps); $5-$12 for guys.
Info: grahamcentralstation sanantonio.com

Thursday   | April 12
 
‘GREY'S ANATOMY'
Lowdown: It doesn't matter if this show really hasn't been on long enough to warrant a full-length retrospective episode. Patrick Dempsey could stand still and silent for an hour, and this would still be the No. 1 drama on TV. So they're doing the retro8spective anyway. And you're probably going to watch it. Jeffrey Dean Morgan (you know him as the now-!deceased Denny) hosts this one-hour special of flashbacks from the last three seasons. No, he's not really dead.
When: 8 p.m.
Where: ABC
Info: abc.com/
Friday   | April 13
 
THE KILLERS
Lowdown: It's Friday the 13th, so what better day to see a band named The Killers? Some will be only be there to hear “Mr. Brightside” and “Somebody Told Me,” while others will want to hear better — but lesser played — tracks such as “All These Things That I've Done” and “Jenny Was a Friend of Mine.” But both camps are sure to walk away happy. After all, The Killers only have like 20 songs in its entire catalog.
When: 8 p.m.
Where: Frank Erwin Center, Austin
How much: $32-$36
Info: uterwincenter.com

RIVER CITY BIKE FEST
Lowdown: Custom motorcycle displays, stunt and hypnosis shows, live music (including Powerman 5000 and Crossfade) and alcohol. For some, that's a weekend in paradise. For others (a.k.a. the uncool), it's simply grounds for a headache.
When: 10 a.m.-11 p.m. Friday; !9 a.m.-11 p.m. Saturday; noon-6 p.m. Sunday
Where: Rosedale Park,! 340 Dartmouth
How much: $25 one-day pass; !$35 three-day pass; $10 Sunday
Info: rivercitybikefest.com

‘AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE COLON MOVIE FILM FOR THEATERS'
Lowdown: Spend your evening with characters named Meatwad, Frylock and Master Shake ..... and a chick in a bikini. Sounds like another Friday night at the frat house.
When: Opens April 13
Where: See movie listings
Info: adultswim.com/ shows/athf/movie
Saturday x | April 14

WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP BOXING
Lowdown: Three title fights in one night. Manny Pacquiao, Jorge Arce and Julio Chavez Jr. are on the bill for the Blaze of Glory World Championship Boxing. It's this or My Little Pony Live. Are you a man, or are you a mouse? It probably depends on whether or not you've got a 3-year-old daughter.
When: 7 p.m.
Where: Alamodome
How much: $35-$300 through Ticketmaster. $44.95 pay-per-view (Time Warner Cable channel 501).
Info: alamodome.com  or ticketmaster.com

MY LITTLE PONY LIVE!
Lowdown: It's ‘The World's Biggest Tea Party.' Sounds like a rip-roaring good time ..... if you're under the age of 5. For those a wee bit older (say, in the 21-and-up range), why do you think God invented flasks?
When: 7 p.m. Opens April 13 and runs through April 15
Where: Freeman Coliseum, 3201 E. Houston St.
How much: $13-$28
Info: mylittleponylive.net or ticketmaster.com

TACO LAND TRIBUTE
Lowdown: OK, maybe you have another choice on April 14 if you're not into either boxing or tea parties. It's Ram Jam 2. The Taco Land Tribute features more entertainers than can be listed here. We'll give it a try — Big Drag, Sons of Hercules, Mescaleros with Suzy Bravo, Los No. 3 Dinners, Snowbyrd, the Tombstones and Texacali Jones. The event is in honor of Ram Ayala (pictured), owner of Taco Land, who was killed there in a robbery in June 2005. All ages welcome.
When: 5 p.m.-2 a.m.
Where: Sam's Burger Joint, 330 E. Grayson St.
How much: $7
Info: samsburgerjoint.com

GLOBAL WARMING RALLY
Lowdown: Those concerned about the effects of global warming are invited to attend this two-hour event, which will feature a keynote address from state Rep. Mike Villarreal, D-S.A. The rally, held as part of the “Step It Up” campaign, is being conducted to persuade Congress to help reduce carbon emissions by 80 percent by the year 2050.
When: Noon
Where: The Alamo
How much: Free
Info: (210) 679-2319

Sunday   | April 15

STATIC-X
Lowdown: Rockers/screamers Static-X turn up the synthesizers for you and all your black-wearing friends. Touring behind the new album, Cannibal, the group continues to shape its Pantera/White Zombie/Danzig hybrid sound. Also on tap: Otep, 2 Cents and Lokey.
When: Doors open at 7 p.m.
Where: White Rabbit, !2410 N. St. Mary's St.
How much: $20-$25
Info: sawhiterabbit.com

YING YANG TWINS
Lowdown: Do you know what it means to whistle while you twurk? This rap duo must because it had a hit song of the same name. The Ying Yang Twins (who are actually of no relation) have also released songs such as “1st Booty on Duty,” “Jigglin'.” and “What the F**k!”
When: Doors open 9 p.m.
Where: Club Antro, !7959 Fredericksburg
How much: $15-30
Info: antro.net, groovetickets.com

‘CHARM SCHOOL'
Lowdown: Thirteen former, uh, interests of Flavor Flav slap on the pearls and go through the paces at a charm school, hosted by comedian Mo'Nique. Mind you, these are the same none-too-!classy women Flav rejected on the reality show “Flavor of Love,” so this show could very well extend into an eight- or nine-season run.
When: 9 p.m.
Where: VH1
Info: vh1.com

Monday  | April 16 

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE
Lowdown: MCR (that's My Chemical Romance to folks not in the know) brings its blend of gloom, rock 'n' roll and mascara to the Alamo City. Special guest artist: Muse.
When: 7:30 p.m.
Where: AT&T Center
How much: $30.25
Info: attcenter.com

Tuesday   | April 17 

ARETHA FRANKLIN
Lowdown: Aretha — purveyor of the legendary song, “R.E.S.P.E.C.T.” — may be older than God, but she's still the Queen of Soul. And what we want, we know she's got it.
When: 8 p.m.
Where: Majestic Theatre, 224 E. Houston St.
How much: $45-$125
Info: majesticempire.com

AVRIL LAVIGNE
Lowdown: She's moved on from “Sk8er Boi” (thank goodness). The alt-pop star's new release, The Best Damn Thing today April 17, and is sort of an indulgent album title. The best damn thing? C'mon, who does Avril think she is, Hilary Duff?
When: Drops April 17
How much: $10-$20
Info: avrillavigne.com

OLLU HUNGER BANQUET
Lowdown: Our Lady of the Lake hosts this event, which examines the worldwide inequities that result in poverty and hunger. Those in attendance Attendees will be assigned an income-level group and then served a meal that corresponds with that group. So if you're in the rich group, you're probably getting an appetizer, main course and dessert. Lower levels of income, meanwhile, may eat next to nothing. T-shirts and handmade bowls will be on sale with proceeds going to the San Antonio Food Bank.
When: 6-8 p.m.
Where: OLLU, Providence Hall, The Blue Room, 411 SW 24th St.
How much: Free (registration ends !April 13)
Info: (210) 434-6711, ext. 2153