Every advice site in the world warns readers to stay away from office romances, and hordes of company lawyers have drafted rules banning the practice.

Here's to the countless times any woman, anywhere on the planet has walked up to the counter at her local Valero or Walgreens (or, you know, whatever they have on the rest of the planet) and bought, red-faced, the Keys to Infinite Pleasure.

Myths (and madness!) about pregnancy prevention run rampant in circles of friends, on college campuses and between anybody who's sexually active. Abstinence is the only foolproof method, and we can say with certainty that the following rumors DON'T WORK.

As I write these words, it is 11:34 p.m. In the last 24 hours, I've had three to four hours of sleep. When I was awake, I spent the majority of my time at the office.