| CHRIS QUINN: Wolfman strengthens bond between Big Hairy and his cub | | Oct 07, 2008 |
Chris
| My wife recently left the boy and I alone for a week while she went off to live it up, having radiation treatment, to finish kicking cancer’s ass. A whole week!
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Why must The History Channel torture us with ‘reality’ crap? | | Sep 23, 2008 |
Chris
| All right! Enough! History Channel, stop pulling a G4TV and get back to the programs for which we have known and loved you.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: ‘Clone Wars’ good enough for we who dress up like Wookies | | Sep 02, 2008 |
Chris
| Within moments of the movie’s opening, the action sequences take over and become a major component of the story.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: If you love ‘The Office,’ you’ll love ‘The Office’ DVD. Genius! | | Aug 26, 2008 |
Chris
| You know, I’ve been trying to write this darn “Star Wars Clone Wars” movie review/television show preview thingy for the past three weeks now.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: It’s wrong to laugh at others’ expense, unless it’s Bob Saget | | Aug 19, 2008 |
Chris
| Every time Comedy Central lights up its grill, I get that special little feeling deep down. Well, not little exactly, but happily average in my expectation for laughter.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Warning: ‘Wipeout’ stunts are not safe to try at home | | Aug 12, 2008 |
Chris
| My neighbor was messing around when he “accidentally” cut my cable line, leaving me without the fascinating world of high-stakes cable television!
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Hold your horses. Who says diving and archery don’t mix? | | Aug 05, 2008 |
Chris
| One man, a long snorkel and a horse with a desire not to drown: ladies and gentlemen, I say you, the 100-Meters Underwater Equestrian.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Attell and Co. make me want to bang on the gong all day | | Jul 22, 2008 |
Chris
| I just saw some bondage dude and chick tie their hands behind their backs, put blindfolds on, stick apples in their mouths then begin to cut those apples with a hanging chainsaw.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Discovery’s ‘Shark Week’ takes a bite out of the myths | | Jul 15, 2008 |
Chris
| The Discovery Channel knows how to get you all wet. Do you like it when they nibble? How about a great big bite? How about a shark, eating your face?
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Talent? No. Riveting moronic behavior you must watch? Yes | | Jul 01, 2008 |
Chris
| So I was watching the “Naked Archeologist” the other day, waiting for someone to drop trow and start digging for old stuff, when it hit me. Jeez!
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Not enough work going on behind the scenes of ‘Factory’ | | Jun 17, 2008 | Have you ever rooted for an underdog, or known someone so inept at what they do that you want to reach out and help them to succeed?
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: London ‘Call Girl’ lacks subtly and, worse, passion | | Jun 10, 2008 | The cat’s out of the bag on this one. “Secret Diary of a Call Girl” blows hard, probably more than one way. It takes a concerted effort to make the subject of paying for sex seem boring.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Hill works his mojo as ‘King of Miami’ | | Jun 03, 2008 | If you’re like me, then most of your preconceived notions of “other places” come from TV, movies and video games.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Learn from whence came the crap that makes you laugh | | May 27, 2008 | “A Jew, a Catholic and a penguin walk into a bar.” That right there is the setup to the greatest joke ever told.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: This ‘Fat Guy’ will give you a fart joke you can laugh about | | May 19, 2008 | When I first heard about this Adult Swim network, I acquired several lawyers in hopes of finding some way to sue the hell out of them.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Nothing is more exciting than watching men catch crabs | | May 13, 2008 | You’re not going to need a bigger boat, just the stones to get into the boat provided. I’ve written about “Deadliest Catch” before, and because this is the best reality show on TV, I’m writin’ ’bout it again.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Parents: You know your kid is not really a star, seriously | | May 06, 2008 | So you want your kid to be a star? Well, there’s your first problem. What’s that you say? It’s not you, but your kid who wants the bright lights of fame?
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Unexpected class reunion not worth getting off couch | | Apr 08, 2008 | Well, with the wife still in charge of the remote control, my options for watching television have become limited.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Sex, religion and dead morals: It can only be the 16th Century! | | Mar 25, 2008 | Anytime someone drones on about how morally dead our times and society are, I suggest you point them to the 16th Century and “The Tudors.”
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Loggers strut their stuff on ‘AxMen' — sadly, flannel-free | | Mar 11, 2008 |
Chris
| Many trees gave their lives to bring you this column. Well, actually, maybe only one tree took the dirt nap.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: ‘Parking Wars' shows what we look like when we rant | | Mar 04, 2008 |
Chris
| I hate parking downtown. I loathe it like many underwater amoebas loathe bleach.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Black's new show is odd and lame though not quite ‘Evil' | | Feb 19, 2008 |
Chris
| Lewis Black is the undisputed king of improvisational angst, frustration and honest, bewildered humor.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: A trove of Not Necessarily a Critic columns | | Feb 12, 2008 |
Chris
|
Across not-so-frozen and not-really-desolate lands they came. Hordes of ruthless savages, bent on a single goal, to break down my weekend.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Viewers may get ‘Lost,' but we won't stop watching | | Feb 05, 2008 |
Chris
| I am going to preface everything I am about to say with this: I still love this show.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: ‘Terminator' series on Fox kicks some major ass | | Jan 22, 2008 |
Chris
| Machines running around poking us with cattle prods, using us as slave labor and participating in a campaign to eliminate all human life.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Katt Williams stand-up movie is so funny you'll pass wind | | Jan 15, 2008 |
Chris
| I love to laugh. The booming and screeching cry-for-breath laughs that you will hear older aunts and uncles doing at any Hispanic backyard family get-together.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN; Chef Ramsey’s tricks have not revolutionized my kitchen | | Jan 08, 2008 |
Chris
| I am so well known, famous even, in a half block radius of my home for a dish that has been known to make chefs cry with envy.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Making a decent sitcom too hard for ‘Cavemen,' others | | Dec 25, 2007 |
Chris
| This latest TV season has been a demolition derby. We have seen new shows come in and flop almost before they left the gate.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Comedy Central serving up a premium blend for Christmas | | Dec 10, 2007 |
Chris | Bust out your best fa la las, it's Christmas time! Which means most of us celebrate the birth of the reigning lord.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Frankly, this show just sucks really, really bad | | Dec 04, 2007 |
Chris | Man this one is awful. Not the column, although I dance that line often. No, I am speaking of “Frank TV,” airing on TBS at .....
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: This show is mostly about farts and , sadly, i'm amused | | Nov 27, 2007 |
Chris | “He's got me so aggravated I can't even fart.” Someone once told me never lead off with a quote until Jesus returns, and then lead with what his first words are; or, if the pope says, CENSORED.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: It’s just not the holidays without the Peanuts’ trifecta | | Nov 20, 2007 |
Chris | The last three months of the year showcase a trio of the best re-occurring animated specials ever produced.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Viewers: Strike back with these TV time-wasting tips | | Nov 13, 2007 |
Chris
| So TV writers are all on strike. Does this mean nobody's getting their pizzas delivered in L.A. or that car windshields aren't being cleaned in N.Y.?
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Shake what mama gave you and watch some basketball | | Nov 06, 2007 |
Chris
| Can you smell that? It smells like freedom — like Star Wars, winter crispness, bacon, Big Red and the movie “Aliens.”
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: ‘Three Sheets’ passes the taste test, minus rude host | | Oct 30, 2007 |
Chris
| A guy walks into this bar and orders a beer. That is the entire basis for the show “Three Sheets.”
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Thanks be to Him, creator of the ‘Star Wars’ TV show | | Oct 23, 2007 |
Chris
| Presenting a Psalm of Chris, from my letter to the Ithorians. Hallelujah — Hallelujah — Hallelujah — Haaaaalllleujah!
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Warning: Comedy Central CDs may lead to laughing disaster | | Oct 16, 2007 |
Chris
| Doctors would call it the perfect release. I refer to it as the perfect laugh. My wife calls it just another Sunday night.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: ‘It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' takes almost no effort to love | | Oct 09, 2007 |
Chris
| Imagine a life where all you did, every waking moment, was devoted to guiltless pursuit of your baser and own self-serving needs.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Tumultuous brotherhood makes for great Showtime | | Oct 02, 2007 |
Chris
| Organized crime is bad. So when you mix politics with the crime, you are asking for double bad.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Take comfort in ‘The Office' and ‘The Sarah Silverman Project' | | Sep 25, 2007 |
Chris
| Rejoice! Within a week, two of the best comedies on TV begin new seasons. One is a commentary on office politics and U.S. policy regarding Myanmar.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: Forget the hog; ‘Heroes' will save us now and in the future | | Sep 18, 2007 |
Chris
| How I got into my current situation is something I am not fully aware of and probably not something I'll be too proud about, either.
| | [more] |
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| CHRIS QUINN: ‘Flash Gordon' remake is a rocket ride to planet Crappo | | Sep 11, 2007 |
Chris
| Something in here smells, and I am pretty sure it isn't me. I know this because I just had my first high colonic.
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: ‘South Park’ re-elected by a landslide for four more years | | Sep 04, 2007 |
Chris
| Someone is looking out for Matt Stone and Trey Parker because the two South Park creators signed a deal that will take the cartoon into 2011.
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: ‘The Two Coreys' is like a bad habit that can't be kicked | | Aug 28, 2007 |
Chris
| It's been several weeks since the latest attack on our species first flew through our TV sets to rain havoc and biblical hell upon us.
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: Comedy Central adds some flavor to its roast | | Aug 21, 2007 |
Chris
| Back in 1987, I heard my first Public Enemy song. Soon after that, I had become convinced that I was partly black and had to hate John Wayne and fight the white man.
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: When it comes to ‘Voyeur,' sometimes I just like to watch | | Aug 13, 2007 |
Chris
| When it comes to ‘Voyeur,' sometimes I just like to watch. I have watched these “Voyeur” deals on HBO On Demand for quite sometime now, and I admit to you I have no clue what the flip is going on.
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: I'm proud to be drug-free, but I can't say no to ‘Weeds' | | Aug 07, 2007 |
Chris
| I am having the most difficult time writing this column. Things keep popping up, my mind is unfocused and I have an insatiable need to prune my leg hair.
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: ‘Bizarre Foods' leaves icky, sublime taste in your mouth | | Jul 31, 2007 |
Chris
| Licking the crusted cheese out of a can of jalapeño cheese dip can not be half as bad as eating live mangrove worms off of rotting wood pulp. Or could it?
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: Classic ‘Simpsons' lines are sweet. Mmmm, classic ‘Simpsons’ lines | | Jul 24, 2007 |
Chris
| I can't deny that my relationship with “The Simpsons” has been strained.
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: ‘Body Shop' overheats quickly | | Jul 17, 2007 |
Chris
|
Sometimes you see a show for the first time and know immediately that it's going to hit like grape-flavored raspas on a hot day. | | [more] |
|
| Chris Quinn: Don’t go near oceans or lakes; It’s Shark Week on Discovery | | Jul 10, 2007 |
Chris
| I can hear Quint whispering faintly into my ear, over and over; “Eleven-hundred men went into the water; 316 men came out; sharks took the rest; June the 29th, 1945.”
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: Adult Swim’s ‘Harvy Birdman’ scheduled to bite the biscuit | | Jul 03, 2007 |
Chris
| Normally, on Friday nights, you can count on me being as sober as a Straight Edger with a corncob up an uncomfortable place.
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: The cavemen need to send their sitcom back under a rock | | Jun 26, 2007 |
Chris
|
Apparently, making a sitcom is not so easy “a caveman can do it.”
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Then I watched ‘Man vs. Wild’ | | Jun 19, 2007 |
Chris
| I am not even sure if this column is reaching you. I think I am somewhere east of Big Bend National Park.
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: For a patriot act like me, ‘Lil' Bush' offers big laughs | | Jun 12, 2007 |
Chris
| Sometimes plans go awry. The plan this week was to survive with “Man vs. Wild." Turns out my plans were based on bad intelligence.
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: ‘Lost' is found again, but ‘Heroes' still saves the day | | Jun 05, 2007 |
Chris
| I have yet to regain feeling in my pancreas after having watched the season finale of “Lost.”
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: A&E has prepared me for an Intervention, after this hoagie | | May 29, 2007 |
Chris
| I had a very disturbing encounter the other day. I came home from a long Saturday afternoon of garage-sale hunting to find my living room full of friends and family. | | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: The demise of ‘The Sopranos' has turned me into a character | | May 22, 2007 |
Chris
| I am sitting in a purple and red velvet jogging suit as I write this. What can I say? It's good to be me.
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: ‘Deadliest Catch' could be chasing San Antonio crabs | | May 15, 2007 |
Chris
| I have heard rumors for years. It's the type of yarn that uncles pass down to nephews or the tale that friends will embellish and laugh about over a drink at the bar.
| | [more] |
|
| Chris Quinn: Robot Chicken’ plays with force of ‘Star Wars’ universe | | May 08, 2007 | NOTE: Many Bothan Spies died to bring you the following column. ..... At least, that is what happened last night when I played “Columnist In Peril” with my Star Wars toys. That is all. | | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: Enough with the cartoons, Spider-Man needs live action | | Apr 30, 2007 |
Chris
| It is no secret I owned Spider-Man Underoos as a lad. It is even less of a secret that I still have them.
| | [more] |
|
| Chris Quinn: ‘Man Among Wolves' inspires inner Beastmaster beauty | | Apr 23, 2007 | I began hearing rumors from afar of a strange man who lived with the animals, talked with the animals and indeed walked with the animals. I immediately conferred with my sources. And true enough, the Web site I stumbled on proclaimed — this dude lives with wolves. | | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: Penn & Teller courageously call BS on well-known activists | | Apr 16, 2007 |
Chris
| The one show known for its keen observance of BS, “Penn & Teller's Bulls***!,” has begun its fifth season on Showtime.
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: ‘Planet Earth' looks awesome as it uncovers polar bear plot | | Apr 10, 2007 | Whenever I run across a TV show that completely stuns me with beauty and majesty, I break out in nervous shakes and kidney stones. | | [more] |
|
| Chris Quinn: Sex in the 16th century would be racier with Sarah Silverman | | Apr 03, 2007 |
Chris
|
I want to take a second to tilt my drink to Calvert DeForest, a.k.a. Larry “Bud” Melman, who passed away.
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: BBC America's new ‘Robin Hood' misses the mark | | Mar 27, 2007 | Sometimes you come across situations where no matter how hard you try, you can't see the sense of it. That is, no matter how bad you want something to be a certain way, it just isn't. | | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: ‘Rome' fans will have to survive HBO's brutal slashing | | Mar 20, 2007 | What a coincidence it is that only a week removed from the Ides of March, one of the best dramas on cable television is about to get its own version of 23 slashes when HBO ends the vicious, stylistic and historically inspired pearl “Rome.” | | [more] |
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| Chris: Bust out the funny suits; it's time to chase some monsters | | Mar 13, 2007 |
Chris
| Take one man and combine him with a moustache, the likes of which any '70s porn star would die for, a space-age jumpsuit and a bunch of mole men that “hate freedom,” and you have one of the funniest new shows airing on the godhead that is Adult Swim.
| | [more] |
|
| Rogan tries to put fear factor into the mind of Mencia | | Mar 07, 2007 |
Chris
| There's a catfight in full swing on the Net involving a couple of stand-up TV personalities. In this corner, Joe Rogan!
| | [more] |
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| Chris Quinn: America: You best recognize the greatness of 'Reno 911!' | | Feb 27, 2007 |
Chris
| One of law enforcement's most enigmatic deputy sheriffs has hit the screen. | | [more] |
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