So it finally happened while I was making my Thanksgiving Day family rounds back in my hometown. I’m sitting on the couch in my cousin’s living room, playing with her sons and the hyperactive terrier, with my uncle teasing me about “not giving any man a chance,” and it happens.
“You’re pushing 30, aren’t you?”
I was speechless. For a minute, I didn’t know what to say — or who’d made the comment. Another cousin from Denver (who, I might mention, has had two late, but healthy, pregnancies and one divorce) smiled back, smugly.
I replied, “Yes. And?”
And then it hit me: 30 is supposed to be old for a person who’s never been married.
Seriously? Because I never even thought about it. And according to a recent USA Today report, a lot of folks think a lot like me.
In an article titled, “Sooner vs. later: Is there an ideal age for a first marriage?”, analysts suggest that older might be better and more fulfilling.
“Older marriages (30s vs. 20s) were more cohesive in the sense they did things more often together as a couple. And couples who married at older ages were less likely to report thinking about divorce or that their marriage was in trouble,” said researcher Paul Amato of Pennsylvania State University.
The biggest shift seemed to be in how marriage is perceived. Many are seeing it as an impediment to their freedom and others are afraid of divorce, so don’t want to risk it.
Also, instead of marriage being seen as a rite into adulthood, many are viewing it as one of the last steps, following educational goals, career advancement and financial stability — and that might all be after one has changed area codes at least seven times, completed a stint in the Peace Corps or holed away at a Buddhist monastery.
“People are more concerned with their self-development than they used to be. People are postponing marriage until everything in their lives is working in order,” said socialist Andrew Cherlin, who wrote a book discussing the battle between marriage and individualism.
The biggest concern about marrying later was among those who want kids. Though advances in science have aided fertility, many single folks are reasonably worried that the older they get, the fewer kids they will be able to have.
So, I’m 28. And I’ve never been married. I know there are literal and personal benefits to getting hitched. Tax cuts. Wedding gifts. Making babies. If I had more space here, I’d ponder the many rewards on which I’m surely missing out.
But, in my favor, I can tally up the number of times many of my friends who married soon after college have called me and said, “Sometimes I think you’re so lucky. Enjoy every moment of being single.”
Roger that.
(0)