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It’s 2009, a time to forget about the year that was and start with a clean slate.

Except sometimes it’s never quite that easy.

Sometimes “the year that was” is “the year that still hangs around” and hasn’t quite figured out that, though you really don’t hate it or bear it any ill will, it should probably just stop calling. Or inviting you to outings. Or sending you cute “I was thinking about you” text messages.

Sometimes, the past year won’t let you move on.

Or sometimes it’s you who won’t let go — still gazing at 2008’s photos lovingly; getting teary-eyed when your song comes on; scouring the year’s MySpace page to see if it’s involved with a new squeeze yet.

Resolutions and relationships are a lot alike.

My resolution for 2008, in the dating category, was to get bolder and to voice my interest in my objects of affection. Well, it worked — a little too well. If I thought a guy was cute, I told him. If he asked me to dinner or a movie, I accepted. It was happening nearly daily — at the mall, in the airport, at the grocery store, at the polling booths.

Earlier last year, it seemed as though every other day I was going on a date or an outing. One of my best friends intoned, “It’s like your freshman year all over again.”

Except I’m not in college. And there are reasons I want to leave those years behind.
 
I realized that, in my quest to become more “outgoing,” I was taking on a lot of superficiality.

I was “interested” in a lot of different people, but not interested. I ended up feeling like a professional juggler, only to find that my initial attraction mostly stemmed from my journalistic curiosity about people in general and not necessarily any depth or connection.

(And since we’re talking about years, I’ve got 28 of those, and I am a lot more interested in depth than superficiality.)

Needless to say, when the dust settled and the fascination waned, there were some hurt feelings — I was accused of sending “mixed signals” and “not being real.”

I can’t blame them though. I wasn’t being real with myself. My signals were a little crossed — but mostly the ones I was sending to myself.

I’m not that outgoing girl. I’m a little reserved. Some may even call it shy; some who don’t know me may call it stuck-up. And though societal standards seem to applaud the extrovert, I suffer from a moderate case of introversion. That’s just me. That’s who I am.

So, in 2009, as far as dating goes, I’m resolved to just being me and not trying too hard; less of the “go out and get it” and more of the “let it come to me.”

This “being me” thing may just work. So, here’s to 2009 and making a clean break from the things that just aren’t me.