CHRIS QUINN: ‘Dance Your Ass Off,' with a side of humiliation, please!
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I'm going to need 20 cc of liquefied Nachos Bell Grande from Taco Bell and about 14 orders of Luby's fried fish. Hurry, people! We've got us some worn out, hungry fat people, and they are dancing their asses off!
Lumbering in at 9 p.m. Mondays on Oxygen is the show “Dance Your Ass Off.” It's about making fat people dance. It will make you uncomfortable but also have you smiling and even laughing at the same time. For you skinny little bastards, it will make you thankful.
Fat is the not-so-new eewww! It's the one thing nobody wants to be, but most people either are, are on their way or are desperately trying to avoid.
This new reality/competition/variety TV show strips away all dignity and attempts to party down a group of bucket-eaters to get them slimmer and more antique-chair friendly.
The goal is simple: Put down the chicken leg and put on a leotard. Then dance, you chubby little bacon-chaser! Dance!
Some of the contestants don't seem all that fat; they're faux fat. I guess producers thought most real fat people would drop dead mid-season.
Before you head for your laptop to shoot off an e-mail about insensitivity, look up and to the left a bit. See that photo? Yup, I'm a member. Maybe I should attempt to go on season two, though it would shatter that image of a Rico Suave,ay, papi ladies' man that I've worked so hard to build.
It's safe to assume there will be a season two; the show looks pretty fun. Twelve contestants have been selected out of a field of 3,000. They're paired with a professional dance partner and over the next few weeks, along with diet, the contestants are schooled in all forms of dance.
Then, like “Dancing With the Stars,” they dance in front of a live audience and are judged on their performances. Then they're weighed, à la “The Biggest Loser.” Then, dance scores are combined with weight loss for a total score to see who moves on and who gets dumped back into the dark, sad world of doughnut-eating self-loathing in dark corners of convenience store parking lots. WHY?!
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