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He’s back! Former 210SA staffer Clint Hale returns to Ball & Chain.

DC: So, Clint, it’s good to have you back for Ball & Chain. Has anything changed, or are you the same guy who said, “When guys picture two women, they’re picturing Victoria’s Secret models. Under those pretenses, what’s better than one Gisele? Two Giseles”?

CH: I’ve changed in some ways, and stayed the same in other ways. But that statement remains factual, even if Gisele sold her soul to the devil that is Tom Brady. (Yes I’m jealous of his rugged masculinity.) But since we last spoke, Hale Manor now has a new addition: An eating, pooping, crying machine with his father’s good looks, and hopefully his quick wit as well.

DC: Congrats! So that means you have had sex since we last did this column.

CH: Yeah. Once, I think. It was forgettable at the time.

DC: You know, I miss you man. Which gets me to thinking. Recently, I kissed a guy on the cheek in front of a large crowd. I thought the antic would get a couple of laughs, but everyone was like “Awwwww. How sweet.” What do you think about platonic man love? Hugs and kisses?

CH: If I’m at a pace of more than four beers in an hour, I start handing out man hugs like I just dunked over Shaq. If I’m sober, I’m a keep-my-hands-to-myself type. But I agree. I used to go for the public man love as a way of shocking/humoring those around me. But nowadays people just find the gesture endearing. It sickens me, actually. They’ve taken my whole comedy routine and reduced it to something meaningful and sweet.

DC: Do you think we need to up the ante a little bit? Maybe grab an occasional crotch or play grab-ass?

CH: I’m with you on taking things to the next level, though I’m running out of antes to up. I recently told my brother that his potential future father-in-law must have killed someone at some point in his life. This conversation took place as the future father-in-law watched on in semi-disbelief. I’ve already burned my own family bridges; now I’m taking others down with me.